


coming loose

by djhedy



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, But just a smidgen, Coming Out, Family Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Post-Canon, Summer, aftg summer, definition of smidgen has been called into question
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25690522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/djhedy/pseuds/djhedy
Summary: “What are you doing?”Aaron heard the door shut and closed his eyes. Even his eyelids were sticky. “It’s hot,” he said, the effort of peeling the words from his lips lingering in the form of sweat dripping down his face.“I was asking Andrew.”From somewhere near his feet, Andrew said, “It’s extremely hot.”-it's hot, and the twins are disgruntled, and aaron can't stop hoping for things he can't have.
Relationships: Kevin Day/Aaron Minyard
Comments: 370
Kudos: 743
Collections: AFTG Summer 2020





	1. hot day

**Author's Note:**

> thank andré for organising this! there's a prompt a day, from 3rd-16th august, and i'm gonna try and write a 1k chapter a day for each prompt - if i miss a day because i'm busy, i'll move to the next prompt. yes i'm writing this as i go. it'll probably be fine! xxx

“What are you doing?”

Aaron heard the door shut and closed his eyes. Even his eyelids were sticky. “It’s hot,” he said, the effort of peeling the words from his lips lingering in the form of sweat dripping down his face.

“I was asking Andrew.”

From somewhere near his feet, Andrew said, “It’s extremely hot.”

Aaron heard something drop to the floor next to his brother, and screwed his eyes tighter together, refusing to listen. But Neil just said, “You two are pathetic.”

Aaron opened one eye to see Neil crouching over Andrew’s head, Andrew’s head turned to the sound, and the shadow, eyes closed but one hand reached out in an aborted gesture. Neil was smiling at Andrew. “We are not,” said Aaron.

Neil raised an eyebrow at him. “Then what is this?”

“Heat rises,” said Andrew from where he was lying flat on the kitchen floor head to toe next to Aaron.

Aaron had to look away from the fond look Neil gave Andrew. “You learn that today?”

“It’s _science_ ,” Andrew said, before Aaron heard something like a kiss and then Neil move away. He opened his eyes again.

Neil moved around the dorm while Aaron melted into a small puddle on the floor. He was wearing a white t-shirt, and regretting it, wondering if Andrew’s black vest top and armband combo was warmer or cooler. At least he had bare shoulders. Aaron didn’t really like showing his upper arms.

The door opened again and Kevin’s voice rang into the room, “Oh come on.”

Aaron’s eyes snapped open and he looked up at the tower making its way over to them. He smirked. “What?”

“It’s science,” contributed Andrew with a mutter, sounding half way to asleep.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” said Kevin, but he sounded more amused now, poking Aaron’s thigh with his shoe. “What if you’re in my way?”

“Are we?” said Aaron, eyes working their way up Kevin’s body.

Kevin frowned at him. “Some of us actually live here.”

“I’m not stopping you.”

“I might be,” Andrew mumbled, starfishing so that his feet touched the cabinets near Aaron’s head and his pinkies stretched to reach the fridge.

Kevin smiled, and Aaron caught it, before he rubbed it away with a shake to his head and started lecturing Andrew on how to be a better roommate. Aaron closed his eyes as Kevin stepped over him delicately, shoved Andrew’s body a little by moving the fridge door into it, and grabbed a bottle of water. He sat down, long legs fitting into the space next to Aaron, and cleared his throat. “So,” he said to the cabinet opposite.

Aaron waited, watched as Andrew lifted his head, and then his body onto elbows, and said, “What.”

Kevin shrugged, still looking away, but then he said, “I broke up with Thea.”

“Oh.” Andrew lay back down again, and crossed his arms behind his head.

Aaron looked away, and stared at the ceiling. “Ok.”

“Yeah,” said Kevin, as if Aaron had asked a question.

Neil shuffled back into the kitchen, having changed into tiny orange shorts and a long-sleeved grey top. After a second of noting the silence he said, “Did I miss something?”

“Kevin finally dumped her,” Andrew said. “We’re having a party.”

“Clearly,” Neil said, sitting on the floor opposite Kevin and bumping their feet together. “That’s good. Right?”

“Yeah,” said Kevin. Aaron turned his head to watch him, but Kevin’s eyes were focused on Neil. “I think so.”

Neil shrugged. “You guys never saw each other. You didn’t love her anymore. It’s simple.”

“You always think it’s simple,” Kevin said with a frown.

“It’s my superpower.”

“Being deficient in human emotion isn’t a superpower,” said Andrew from the floor.

“That’s not what you said last night,” Neil said quickly, like he was pleased with himself.

Kevin spluttered on his water, and Aaron frowned at Neil. “Is that supposed to be a joke?”

“Yes,” said Neil. “What do you think?”

Aaron shrugged. “5 out of 10.”

“Not bad,” said Neil with a grin.

The front door slammed open and a bag was thrown across the room. “It’s SO. HOT.”

“Half these people don’t live here anymore,” muttered Andrew with his eyes closed.

“I know,” Neil said sympathetically, touching Andrew’s leg. Andrew caught his hand and held it there, and Aaron looked up to watch his cousin approach.

“Um, who forgot to invite me to the kitchen party?” Nicky sounded affronted, but he sat cross-legged between Kevin and Neil and fanned his face.

“Aaron and Andrew are pathetic,” said Neil. “I think they’re melting.”

“Are you criticising my parenting skills?” said Nicky, stealing the bottle of water from Kevin and downing the rest of it while Kevin huffed out an objection.

“I don’t think it’s your fault we have the heat retention of walruses,” said Aaron.

“Bad example,” said Andrew. “Walruses live in cold climates.”

“Whose idea was it to keep walruses in the south?” said Aaron.

Andrew pointed at him, and after a pause said, “Exactly.”

“I don’t think either of you know what you’re talking about,” said Neil.

Andrew finally sat up, eyes raking over Neil’s outfit and said, “It’s too warm.” It was almost like a whine, except Andrew never whined.

But Neil’s eyes were amused. He said, “The Mas has air con?”

“Ice cream?” said Andrew with raised eyebrows, sitting up a little more enthusiastically.

“OH,” said Nicky, “can I come? I want to see what flavours they’ve got.”

“Sure,” said Neil, standing and pulling Andrew after him. He whispered something in a disgruntled Andrew’s ear, which seemed to cheer him up. He pointed each at Kevin and Aaron, who gave their ice cream orders, and the three of them shuffled out the dorm.

Which left Kevin and Aaron alone.

The floor was blissfully cold against Aaron’s back, but he felt oddly vulnerable spread out in front of Kevin like this, so he shifted the upper half of his body up onto his elbows and looked over at Kevin, only to see Kevin’s eyes dart away.

“So,” said Aaron. He searched around for conversation. “What do you want to do this week?”

Kevin sighed. “Wymack took my keys.”

Aaron tried to tamper down his amusement. At the scolding in Kevin’s eyes he hadn’t succeeded. They had the same argument every year. For the first two weeks of summer break, coach confiscated Kevin’s keys to the stadium. No exy. Aaron said, sarcastically, “Well fuck, what will we do instead?”

Kevin looked at him, something unreadable in his expression. He looked away just as quickly. “Gym?” he suggested.

“You and Neil can run in the mornings,” said Aaron, “but I’m not going anywhere near a gym. It’s _summer_.”

Kevin sighed. “I hate summer.”

“I know, Day,” said Aaron, leaning his head against the cabinet and watching as Kevin’s eyes shut, as something tense and wound up seemed to spiral around his body. “You’re too tense.”

Kevin’s eyes snapped open and he glared at him. “People say that as if it’s supposed to help. Of course I’m tense. I can’t practise.”

“And... you broke up with your girlfriend?” Kevin looked away again. “I dunno, maybe a couple of weeks off life would be good for you.”

Kevin sighed. “I’d rather not.”

“You don’t have much of a choice.”

Kevin waved this off, resting his hand on one leg, Aaron watching it where it landed against soft hairs, just at the edges of Kevin’s shorts, the hem loose around his thighs. Kevin said, “What do _you_ wanna do?”

Aaron felt warm, felt warm already, felt warmer and just said, “Whatever. You know. Whatever Andrew wants to do, probably. You know the drill.”

Kevin laughed wryly. “Yeah. I know the drill.”

“Maybe we can go to the beach,” said Aaron, still watching Kevin’s hand where it folded into a fist and then uncurled, thinking of bodies running in shorts and suncream and maybe even swimming.

Kevin said, “Sure,” probably thinking of beach volleyball and sprinting with Neil and girls in bikinis.

Aaron looked away again, something twisting in his stomach and closing his eyes and sighing, hoping it sounded more content than resigned and said, “Ok.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warm boys, for varying reasons x


	2. swim wear

Aaron regretted his suggestion the second they stepped foot in the store. He blamed Nicky entirely, who’d said, “Yes the beach, excellent, hot, I am down. Let’s go shopping.”

“What? Why?” said Aaron from the sofa where he was beating his brother at mario kart. They were finally installed in Columbia, the dorms having closed yesterday, Aaron grateful at last for his privacy, for the opportunity to lie on his bed and stare at his ceiling and have no one catch him at it. Grateful, too, for the fact that Nicky’s bedroom separated his and Andrew’s after the look Neil had given his brother before they closed the door behind them. Gross. Kevin was sleeping in the living room, and complained about the sofa, said it was too short.

“Never bothered you before,” said Aaron, staying behind to help him drag the cushions off and onto the floor to make a longer bed.

“I don’t think I’ve ever stayed here sober,” said Kevin, arranging the sofa cushions to his liking, and taking the blanket from Aaron.

Aaron held his lips together tight, didn’t say _we could swap_ or _take the bed_ or _let’s be honest i’m smaller than that sofa i dont give a fuck where i sleep_ , and instead dragged his eyes away from where Kevin was being fussy and pristine, soft and sleepy in a yellow tshirt and matching pyjama bottoms, and dragged himself upstairs.

In the morning he’d come downstairs to find Kevin still asleep, on his back, one arm thrown over his head, the way he remembered he slept. Aaron huddled himself into an armchair, looked out the window, before making a decision and grabbing the game controllers and landing himself on Kevin’s stomach, placing a controller carefully in his hand and turning on the tv as Kevin’s eyes flew open and he said “ _Oof_.” Aaron grinned, settled himself as a sleepy, horizontal Kevin turned his head and lifted his hands unenthusiastically, following Aaron around the map as Aaron blew people’s heads off and Kevin got killed a few times. Kevin eventually lowered his hands in defeat and closed his eyes, apparently content for Aaron to say sitting on top of him, Aaron feeling pleased and silly until he’d heard steps on the stairs and let his smile fade away.

And now the sofa was put back together, and they’d eaten the pancakes Neil had made, and Kevin had only complained about the lack of practise once, and Aaron was beating Andrew at mario kart, and for some reason Nicky wanted to ruin a good day with shopping.

“If we’re going to the beach, I need an outfit,” said Nicky, as if it was obvious. He poked his toes into Neil’s shoulder. “Do you even have swimming trunks?”

Neil shrugged. “No. Can’t I just wear my shorts?”

“Those things?” Aaron said, offended, Neil’s thighs on high display _again_.

Andrew drove his car into Aaron’s.

“ _No_ ,” said Nicky, offended. “It’s made of different material. Jesus. Ok now we have to go.”

“Can you even swim?” asked Kevin, curiosity and competition warring in his voice.

Neil considered it and said, “I have no idea.”

Aaron raised his eyebrows. “How can you have no idea?”

“That’s a no,” said Kevin.

“We’ll only know once we throw him in the water,” Andrew said, and Aaron grinned.

So they went shopping.

Aaron already had swimming trunks, admittedly kind of old ones he didn’t think he’d worn since high school, so he wandered after Nicky, listening to him go on about a new video game he wanted them to buy afterwards which sounded pretty good. He grunted when it was required, eyed things he liked, listened out with one ear for the others. They came across Andrew holding up a pair of speedos against a blushing Neil, who was pushing them away without much luck.

Nicky groaned. “Andrew, seriously? Let me live.”

Neil scowled at them as Andrew put the speedos back with a sigh.

To Aaron’s disappointment, he and Andrew were holding an identical pair of black boardshorts. They noticed at the same time, Andrew going all stiff and Nicky laughing, delighted.

Andrew said, “No,” pointing at Aaron’s.

Aaron glared at him. “So go change yours, then.”

Andrew crossed his arms and Neil said, “Hmm. Might be harder for me to tell you guys apart... you know I’ve never been into threesomes, but –”

Aaron left abruptly, as Andrew shoved a laughing Neil into Nicky.

He found Kevin by the accessories, eyeing a pair of sunglasses. He looked up to see Aaron approach, put them on, and said, “What do you think?”

He looked like a rock star.

Aaron said, “You look like your ego won’t survive it.”

Kevin smirked. “I can’t tell if that’s a compliment or not,” he said, taking them off.

Aaron shrugged, non-committally. “You got something to swim in?”

“I already have shorts,” Kevin said vaguely, trying on a different pair of glasses. “These?” He checked himself out in the mirror, carding a hand through his hair and giving Aaron a second to look away.

“You look good in all of them,” Aaron said, looking over the racks of swim wear in the store.

“That’s unhelpful,” muttered Kevin.

“I can’t believe you’re complaining about being good looking,” said Aaron.

Kevin looked at him, and then huffed a laugh. “If you say so.”

Kevin was then placing sunglasses on Aaron’s face, and he let him, and they tried some on for a while, eventually Kevin finding a pair of white-rimmed sunglasses he liked on Aaron, insisting on buying them for him, and the pair of brown-speckled ray bans for himself, and Aaron shrugged, stupidly pleased, and then Kevin hauled him by the arm and dragged him over to the swimming shorts. He said, “Just get these,” pointing to a pair of kinda tight shorts, green with a white stripe up the side.

Aaron raised an eyebrow at him. “They’re kinda small.”

“So?” Kevin waved a hand at Aaron. “So are you.”

Aaron smirked, and Kevin _blushed._

It was so startling Aaron didn’t have the time or thought to hide the smile that made its way across his face.

Kevin huffed and looked away. “For god’s sake,” he said tightly.

“Hmm,” said Aaron. “Well now I feel like I can’t get these, for the sake of my honour.”

Kevin rolled his eyes, and stormed off, Aaron following behind with the grin plastered on his face. It was so easy to fluster Kevin.

Kevin stopped again, and said, “You’ve ruined this. How am I supposed to help you now?”

Aaron shrugged, and picked at the forest green version of the boardshorts in his hand. “You think green?”

“Yes,” said Kevin, without expanding, walking off when Neil’s voice rang loudly through the shop _we need seventy tons of sun cream for Andrew_ and a resulting squeak.

Aaron smiled at the shorts where no one could see him, thinking of himself in white sunglasses and green shorts, and feeling ok about that, and picking them off the rack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaron is gonna look so cute in his outfit that kevin helped him pick out omg  
> is this unedited? yes. do i care? only a little. *mwah* xxx


	3. beach day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can fucking taste the undiagnosed pining in this one lads. it tastes of sea air and red shorts x

They woke up early, ready to drive out to the beach which was a couple of hours east. Aaron wore his new swim shorts and old ratty flipfops with a grey hoodie slung over the top. The softness against his bare skin was comforting in the dim hours of the morning.

“It’s only 9am,” said Nicky, too jolly for the hour, “how are you guys still tired?”

Kevin and Aaron both glared at him, and Nicky grinned and turned away, ready and eager to argue with Andrew over the music.

Aaron always got relegated to the middle seat these days, apparently the only one whose knees would fit. Kevin was fidgeting next to him, getting comfy for the ride. Aaron said, “You comfortable?”

Kevin sighed. “It’ll do.”

Aaron smirked and looked away, closing his eyes and pulling his hood over his head. Another advantage to the outfit.

When he next awoke, he had no idea what time it was, or even where he was, just a faint aroma of something foresty and soft by his face. Oh, shit. His eyes snapped open to see nothing but Kevin’s shoulder, floral shirt tight over biceps that currently had Aaron’s face resting on it. He lifted his head in panic, but Kevin was asleep too, face smushed against the window, mouth open, lightly snoring. Aaron smiled before looking away.

He scrunched his face, and yawned, and tried not to elbow anyone. It was fucking hot already, but he didn’t want to take his hoodie off til they got to the beach. He’d feel weird sitting in the car, topless. Nicky and Andrew apparently did not feel the same, but Neil was already complaining.

“So take your sweatshirt off,” Andrew said.

“Why would I wanna do that,” Neil said.

“Because you said it’s too hot.”

“I don’t see how those things are linked.”

“Maybe you’re too hot because you’re wearing too many clothes.”

“Maybe it’s because the weather is stupid.”

“Maybe you’re stupid.”

“You guys are so cute,” Nicky said with a grin on his face.

That shut up the front seats, and Aaron high-fived his cousin.

Kevin stirred at Aaron’s movement, and Aaron turned to see the tall thing next to him squirm a little, move his head around, and return it back to its initial position. He looked away again.

They reached the beach, and Kevin was still asleep. Andrew parked, and they all got out the car, and stretched, and looked at the sand and sea with hungry eyes, and Kevin was still asleep. They rock paper scissored to see who had to wake him up, and Neil lost. He opened the door Kevin was resting on and said, “Andrew didn’t show up for the game.”

Kevin’s head fell out first, his shoulders only saved by the seatbelt he was wearing, and his eyes snapped open immediately and he said, “ _What??”_

Andrew rolled his eyes, and walked into Kevin’s vision. Kevin looked around him, and said, “Oh.”

Nicky was already wandering off, and Andrew and Neil were unloading snacks and towels from the trunk, so it was Aaron who held Kevin’s door open and made sure he got out without hurting himself. “You’re pathetic, Day.”

“Hey,” said Kevin, a retort dying on his tongue. He yawned instead. “The beach is far away,” he muttered instead.

“Yes,” said Aaron with a sympathetic nod. “Come on, we have loads of really difficult things to do today.”

Kevin looked grumpy, and Aaron grinned.

First, they settled towels on the ground, and made a home base. Then they argued over who got to go swimming first, and who had to look after the stuff. Mid-argument Andrew and Neil wandered off, walking casually up to the edge of the water and standing still, looking at it. Aaron said, “Didn’t his mom die on a beach or something?”

Nicky shrugged. “Give them a minute.”

Kevin counted to 60. “Right, come on.”

“What about our stuff?” Nicky said, looking over their secondhand towels and basket of snacks even Aaron was slightly ashamed of the nutritional value of.

Kevin unbuttoned his shirt and pushed down his sweatpants, and pushed them aside, completely ignoring how amazing he looked in bright red shorts that Aaron swore were _smaller_ than the ones he’d suggested the day before. Absolutely nothing left to the imagination. Aaron looked away, and looked back, and then looked down at his own clothes.

Kevin knelt and lifted Nicky off his feet in one clean motion, hauling him over his shoulder and walking off as if he wasn’t carrying anything at all. Aaron felt his eyebrows raise and he waited a beat until he stripped his hoodie and flipflops off and followed at a more sedate pace.

Nicky said, “EXCUSE ME,” several times, very loudly, but was ignored.

Kevin made several strides past Andrew and Neil, who looked up, Neil grinning and almost laughing in the way he did, as Aaron joined them and watched Kevin throw Nicky into the water. When Kevin looked back, he smiled, eyes meeting Aaron’s for a moment, eyes almost seeming to notice he was wearing nothing but the green shorts, before Nicky’s hand appeared and then Kevin was gone, body lost to the ocean.

“You going in?” Aaron said.

Andrew looked at Neil.

Neil was still wearing his oversized tshirt, legs visible under the low hem and probably wearing tiny fucking shorts underneath.

Neil said, “Um.”

“Right,” said Aaron, already bored and wading in. It was _cold_. “Shit,” he muttered, pushing past the pain, trying to remember the part where it got good.

Kevin called, “He’s trying to _murder_ -” but the rest of his words got eaten up by wave.

Nicky said, “It’s called VENGEANCE –” and then he was gone too.

Aaron smiled, stopping a safe distance from both of them and finally taking a deep breath and plunging his entire body under the foam.

It felt good.

It felt like fresh air and cool fingertips and a weightlessness he didn’t know he’d been needing. When his head broke the surface, he ran a hand through wet hair and moved instinctively towards the others.

Nicky was laying on his back, floating effortlessly, muttering about traitors with a smile on his face.

Kevin was swimming in circles around them, and when he saw Aaron emerge he swam over to him. “Want a ride?”

Aaron said, hopefully comprehensively, “Uh,” and let Kevin manhandle him onto his back, not even giving Aaron time to appreciate his strong fingers and confident movements. Aaron held onto his shoulders for dear life, clinging his legs around Kevin’s lower back, and Kevin swam. Aaron said, “I can swim you know.”

“Good for you,” said Kevin.

“You sound more and more like coach every day.”

“Thanks,” said Kevin. Aaron smiled and watched the world go by, eaten up by the bluest ocean he’d ever seen.

“So this is what it’s like to be a dolphin.”

“Why a dolphin?” Kevin mumbled through a watery mouth. He lifted his head to the side and spat.

Aaron said, “Dunno,” enjoying himself too much to work out a better animal metaphor.

“Dolphins can already swim,” said Kevin.

“Ok,” said Aaron.

Neil and Andrew were wading towards them through the water, hovering a few feet away where it was still shallow enough to stand, so Kevin swam them over. Kevin stood abruptly and Aaron slipped, splashing into the water with a shout. When he emerged he splashed water at Kevin, getting Neil in the crossfire, who said, “Hey!” Neil was still in his long-sleeved now very wet grey tshirt and, presumably, tiny fucking shorts. Thank god for ocean.

Andrew pointed to Kevin. “Neil’s turn.”

Neil said, “Oh. Um. Nah. I’m fine.”

But Aaron was already helping Andrew to manhandle him onto Kevin’s back, and Neil said, “Oh. Shit. Don’t tip me like you tipped Aaron.”

Kevin said, “On my mother’s life,” and swam around in gentle circles while Neil held his head comically high and Aaron floated a little in the water, watching them. Nicky had swum quite far out and now came back, watching the spectacle and laughing, splashing water over them all.

“Don’t worry,” he called to a very pale-faced Neil, “Andrew can’t swim either.”

“Can,” Andrew said, a beat too late.

Nicky said, “I know you can’t. You forget. I _know you._ ”

Andrew pointed at his brother. “How come he can swim.”

Aaron pirouetted in the water. “Talent.”

They got out soon after that, when Neil had insisted he could now swim and needed a break. Andrew let him climb on his back after Kevin’s and piggybacked him out the water, the two of them together almost breaking Kevin’s height. Aaron lingered back with Nicky, definitely not aware of the water dripping over Kevin’s muscles, running down and out of his shorts... He looked away sharply. Felt distracted. Wasn’t sure why. He just needed a different distraction. Something with less muscles, more clothes, less –

“You ok?” said Nicky, shaking his long hair like a wet dog.

Aaron scrunched his face. “Yes,” he said, irritated. He _was_ ok thank you very much.

Nicky grinned at him. “Cool.” He shook his hair some more.

Aaron felt he’d done enough exercise that day and was quite happy to lie on a towel next to Andrew while Neil grabbed the ball they’d brought, and started playing catch with Kevin. Nicky was sat near the two, fulfilling some sort of commentary role, and they started making a scoring system, how catching after a run got you more points, catching facing backwards even more, and what Aaron mostly found entertaining was how competitive Neil and Kevin were.

Aaron sat up and turned to give his brother an amused glance. “I bet it’s times like these you wonder what you see in him.”

Andrew looked disapproving. “Kevin’s a bad influence.”

“So’s Neil.”

Andrew grunted.

Aaron grinned and took out his book he’d stashed in the basket and propped himself up on his elbows to read.

They had a big umbrella, and copious amounts of suncream on, but Aaron had to move around within his shade to keep from burning. His book was good, and he didn’t even notice Andrew leaving and being replaced with Kevin until he said, “What’s it about?”

Aaron jumped, emerging from the world inside the pages. He blinked at Kevin, face close and leaning into his book, sun bright and beautiful behind his head. Kevin leaned away again, holding up a pair of white-rimmed sunglasses out-turned in his hand. When Aaron just stared, Kevin held them up to his face, so Aaron held his head up and let Kevin pop the sunglasses on. “Well?” said Aaron, turning a little for a full assessment.

Kevin nodded, smiling at him a little before taking his own pair out the basket and fitting them on his face. “Well?”

Aaron looked away, a small smile on his face.

Kevin poked his book a moment later. “What’s the book?”

Aaron said, “Oh. It’s historical. Ancient Rome.”

“Historical?”

“Historical fiction.”

“I didn’t know you liked that,” Kevin said, gathering his knees to his chest and sounding almost – hurt?

“Well, I don’t really,” said Aaron, sitting up too and watching Kevin’s expression. “Or I didn’t. You know I don’t have time for reading usually. I just saw this in the library and –” and something about it had caught his eye. The violence promised, maybe. Something clashing and exciting without any of the emotional sting of – other types of pain. Or the cover was red, his favourite colour. Or, he guessed he’d remembered Kevin talking about ancient Rome once. But he couldn’t say any of that. “You like this stuff right?”

Kevin took the book from him, sticking a finger in the page Aaron was on and reading the blurb. “Is it historically accurate?”

Aaron snorted. “How would I know?”

“Well –” Kevin began speaking in a low, comforting tone, asking Aaron questions about the period and historical figures featured in the book, and what started out as a bit of a lecture became an easy conversation, Aaron talking about the plot, Kevin talking about the history, Aaron getting comfy switching to lie on his stomach, propped up on elbows next to Kevin on his back, one arm flexed over his forehead, and it felt so easy.

Kevin said, “Can I borrow it when you’re done?”

Aaron thought, _it’s a library book_ , but he just said, “Sure,” pleased.

Kevin smiled at him. “Cool.”

Aaron thought, _you look nice when you smile_ , but he just said, “Cool,” pleased.

Andrew threw sand at them. “Nicky’s bored of being ignored.”

Aaron looked over his shoulder to see Andrew with his arms crossed, and somewhere behind him Nicky and Neil digging some sort of important project in the sand.

“Nicky is, huh?” Kevin said patiently, but he started getting up. Aaron looked back down at his book.

Andrew clicked his fingers again. “Brother of mine. Come. We need all hands on deck.” Aaron looked up to see him give them a derisive look before walking off.

Aaron raised an eyebrow at Kevin, and took the offered hand, dusting sand off his body as he stood. “Aye aye captain,” he muttered sarcastically, and Kevin grinned, tugging his hand a little in the direction of the others. Aaron felt Kevin’s fingertips, light and delicate on his palm, and seconds from leaving him, but Kevin held on until he didn’t need to anymore, their skin barely rubbing against each other even against the gentle bob of their bodies moving over sand, Kevin only letting Aaron slip away in order to more expressively gesture at their family. Aaron walked up behind him, rubbed his own fingers over palm.

“What’s the situation?” said Kevin, assessing the situation with expressive arms.

Neil looked up. “We’re making a boat.”

“It’s called a _ship,_ Neil,” said Nicky, digging out a large section that looked like it was going to have steps.

Andrew pointed at something. “I’m delegating,” he said.

“That means he wanted to be bossy and do less work,” said Nicky.

“It _means_ he has the best ideas,” Neil snapped.

“Thanks honey buns,” Andrew said.

“Eurgh,” said Aaron.

Andrew pointed at him. “Less of that. More digging. Chop chop.”

“You’re enjoying this way too much,” said Aaron, but he knelt at the same time as Kevin, digging their fingers into the sand side by side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honey buns. hehe. xxx


	4. outdoor sport

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited and a day late, only the good treatment from me x

They built a ship in the sand. It was more of an elaborate rowing boat, one which Kevin made sure to explain would never actually float in water because it was the wrong proportions. It had steps down, and a little 2D kitchen area Neil had drawn with his fingertips, and actual benches. Aaron sat in one of the benches, head and shoulders poking out above ground level, feeling concerned they’d built too near the water.

Kevin climbed in, tucking his long legs next to Aaron’s, all knees and bunching red shorts. Aaron wrapped arms around his own.

Nicky said, from above them, “We need to give her a name!”

“Maserati 2,” said Neil.

“It’s not a car,” said Andrew. Neil took his hand and Andrew didn’t shove him off.

“Why is she a girl?” asked Aaron.

“Ships are usually girls,” said Kevin.

The tone of Kevin’s voice, explaining Roman history, lingered in the back of Aaron’s head, so he said, “Why?”

Kevin opened his mouth but Andrew interrupted with a tug to Neil’s hand, and a demand, “Come on.”

“Come on where?” Neil said, dopey expression on his face.

Andrew tugged him away and back to the baskets of food, Nicky skipping after them.

Aaron looked at his hands.

Kevin said, “Hungry?”

Aaron shrugged. He said, “Why are ships usually girls?”

Kevin said, “It’s sexism. Women look after men. Men command ships. They trust the ship to look after them at sea.”

Aaron hummed, and Kevin said, “I’m going to get food,” and stood up. Aaron didn’t really feel like eating, but Kevin put a hand on his upper arm and dragged him to his feet, and Aaron rolled his eyes and shoved him and was smiling by the time he was following Kevin out of the ship.

They ate spread out under the umbrellas, on the towels, Aaron next to Nicky, as far away as possible from where Andrew was flopped on his back, head resting on Neil’s thigh, Kevin lying in a starfish at Aaron and Nicky’s feet.

“Volleyball?” suggested Neil.

Kevin sat up. “You’re on.”

Neil said, “Whoever gets to the car first gets to serve first,” and before he’d finished his sentence they’d both rushed to their feet and dashed off, Andrew’s head flumping onto the ground, looking disgruntled.

Nicky said, “Remind me, why are we friends with those two?”

“Because you wanted to fuck them,” Aaron said.

Andrew sat up, a dangerous look on his eyes.

Nicky laughed nervously. “I think that’s more Andrew’s area of expertiiise.”

Andrew picked up a handful of sand and upended his fist on Nicky’s head, but didn’t deny it.

Neil and Kevin returned, panting, the net and poles and a ball in their arms. “Let’s call teams,” said Kevin.

“Uh, I don’t think –” started Nicky.

“Andrew,” Neil said quickly.

“Hey!”

“You don’t even want to play,” said Neil as Andrew got to his feet.

“Doesn’t mean I don’t want to feel _wanted_ Neil, my man, where’s the loyalty.”

Andrew looked smug at that, even as he said, “No.”

“But you got up.”

“So?”

“So you’re on my team,” Neil said with a smile. Andrew didn’t deny it.

Kevin said, “Aaron? Do you want to play?”

Aaron did not. His book was getting good, and he would definitely get sunburnt, and there was no way he’d be good enough to play with Kevin. But Kevin was struggling to hold the netting in his arms, and Aaron was already to his feet to help one of the poles slipping out, and Kevin had said “Excellent,” and started walking off, leaving Aaron trailing him awkwardly holding half the net.

Nicky said, “Great, I shall be your ball boy, I think you’ll find I’m _very_ good at that.”

“Nicky, who exactly are you hitting on?” Aaron said.

Nicky looked around and pointed at a group of men twenty metres away. “Them.”

“You might wanna speak up then,” Aaron said.

Nicky took in a deep breath, and Neil threw the ball straight into his stomach.

A few minutes later a still-winded Nicky was recovering on the ground to the side of a planted volleyball net, and Aaron was jumping up on and down on the spot, warming up under the bristling heat of the day and glaring at his brother. If Andrew had said no, he wouldn’t be here.

Kevin touched him lightly on the back and Aaron stilled. “We’ve got this,” Kevin said seriously, staring at Neil and Andrew like this was the fight of their lives, and Aaron laughed.

“Ok, sure,” he said, moving away so that Kevin’s hand fell and trying to stand in a way that suggested he was ready to receive a volleyball. “Wait, how do you play?”

It was ridiculous. None of them had any problem catching the ball, but aiming it was another thing entirely. They stopped several times so that Kevin could show and re-show them how to clasp their hands together right. Aaron got himself in the face once, but so did Andrew, so he didn’t really mind. Once, Andrew ran up to Neil and scooped him up by the waist so that Neil could slam the ball over the net, and Neil held onto Andrew while whooping obnoxiously over Kevin’s objections. Aaron gripped Kevin’s arm and said, “Don’t worry Day, _some of us_ don’t have to resort to cheating,” and that made Kevin look a little less annoyed, even over the sounds of Neil’s laughter.

It wasn’t terrible.

Kevin looked pretty good, a look of concentration on his face that was usually obscured by a helmet, keeping his gaze on Aaron whenever they had to pass to each other, chest colliding against Aaron’s bcak more than once. Aaron tried to keep his eye on the ball whenever possible but – it wasn’t terrible. Kevin would jump in a way that made Aaron wonder what his shorts looked like when he made the same jump, and then he quicky became flustered and kept missing shots and when Kevin snapped at him to concentrate, Aaron snapped back that he was done.

He stormed off, and Nicky followed him.

They sat under the umbrellas, watching from afar as Andrew lazily took up Nicky’s place in the sand and took to heckling Neil and Kevin’s rally.

“You ok?” said Nicky casually as they divvied up the rest of the snacks between them.

“Yeah?” said Aaron, digging into a bag of chips and not meeting his eyes.

“Cool,” said Nicky easily, leaning back on his elbows. “Did you get those sunglasses yesterday?”

“Yep.”

“Nice.”

They sat in silence for a while until the chips were gone, and Aaron could no longer feel sweat pooling at his lower back.

After a while he said, “Do you still want to fuck them?”

Nicky jolted, dropping the sand he’d been carefully compiling over one of Aaron’s feet.

“Jesus,” Nicky said, glancing at Andrew. “Is this a real conversation?”

Aaron shrugged.

Nicky stared at him a moment longer, then returned to his task of burying Aaron’s feet. He started on the second one and then said, “Of course not. Neil is Andrew’s and Kevin is – Kevin.”

“But do you still find them attractive?”

Neil huffed. “Have you _seen_ them?” and then gave him a look. “Oh come on straighty mcstraighterson, you can’t tell me you don’t see it.”

Aaron’s eyes glazed over Neil and landed on Kevin, all gleaming muscle and stuck sand against skin. “Nope,” he said. “Tell me.”

Nicky said, “Why are you interested in this?”

“I’m not.”

“Ok because no offence but for years it was _gay shit_ this and _gay shit_ that –”

“Never mind,” Aaron said abruptly, flopping onto his back.

Nicky was silent for a while before saying, with a resigned sigh, “Fine, but you tell Andrew and we’re _over_. I’m getting you emancipated, got it?” Aaron didn’t reply, and Nicky said, in a low voice. “I don’t know. Have you seen Neil’s face? He’s all – bright and like, he’s got hard lines but also kinda a baby face? You know?” Aaron didn’t. “And Kevin is just a supermodel. Seriously. It’s not fair. You don’t have to be that tall, and that muscular, and that – you know – slender, all at once. Like he’s huge. But also tiny. Like, not Matt-huge. Like he could cover your body and –” Nicky trailed off. “Anyway!” he said brightly. “Fuck. How dare you. You’re lucky I have Erik or they’d both be straight back on the table.”

“Straight?” Aaron said with a quirk to his mouth.

Nicky continued covering his feet with sand.

Aaron dozed, feeling Nicky adjust the shade of the umbrella around them with a protectiveness Aaron had never quite gotten used to.

At one point the shadow felt different and Aaron blinked awake to see a tower hovering over him. Kevin smirked. “Need some help?”

Aaron looked down to find most of his body buried, and looked around to find Nicky, Neil and Andrew walking away, Neil whistling loudly.

Aaron scowled. And then said, “At least it’s kind of cool under here.”

Kevin grinned and flopped beside him, not helping at all. Aaron wriggled but nothing happened. At least his arms were free.

They just lay there, and talked. About whatever. School, the team, Kevin’s family, Thea. Aaron noticed Kevin carefully side-step the question of the Katelyn break-up – so far Aaron had escaped scrutiny, which he largely put down to a reluctance to bring up around Andrew, which for once he felt kind of grateful for – but he did ask, “You still thinking medical school?”

Aaron shrugged. “Yeah. Why, you still thinking pros?”

Kevin scoffed. “Of course.”

“Well. Me too.”

“You don’t have a lifetime of debt and legacy to fulfil,” Kevin said, managing to sound not _entirely_ bitter about it for once. Aaron had to concede that maybe Neil was a good influence.

“True,” said Aaron, “but there are like 7.5 billion bodies on the planet and I won’t get to cut up even 1 billion of them.”

Kevin laughed, and then said, “That’s not disturbing.”

“It’s just maths.”

“Right.”

That sat quietly for a bit after that, Kevin’s browned skin baking in the sun, Aaron melting under the shade of the umbrella. Eventually, Kevin said, “Let’s get you out of this thing.”

“I do kinda need a piss,” Aaron said, and Kevin laughed, the sound low and gratifying. He began removing sand from Aaron’s lower half, hand eventually grazing against the skin across Aaron’s stomach. Aaron sat up once his chest was free and pushed chunks of sand off his feet.

“Great,” he said once he was free and bending the aches out of his leg muscles, holding them to his chest and assessing the level of sand still stuck to his body. “Now my piss will almost definitely be sandy.”

“Swim?” suggested Kevin, looking him over.

Aaron grinned. “Disgusting. Filthy.”

“What percentage of the population do you think has urinated in the ocean?”

“Not high enough, probably,” agreed Aaron, getting to his feet.

They splashed into the water, swam out as far as they could, separated a little and then came back together when the deed was done, and Aaron pushed out the water and dunked Kevin’s head under the surface. Kevin grabbed Aaron round the waist and when he pushed up Aaron was thrown into the water behind Kevin’s back, headfirst. Aaron opened his eyes, stinging from the salt, and grabbed the back of Kevin’s legs; Kevin started swimming, Aaron dodging to avoid getting kicked in the face, and then with eyes closed and unsteady hands, pulled himself to climb up Kevin’s body, fingers working their way along Kevin’s taut sides, until he was wrapped around his back, legs clenched and holding on, hands spread over shoulders. Aaron closed his eyes against Kevin’s wet skin, said, “Good horsey,” and Kevin tipped them sideways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boys. xxx


	5. sun lotion & picnic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know no one else cares - but i'm borrowing a friend's laptop to write and upload this, so the formatting may be wrong? maybe it wont be? anyway i spent the day doing tiring things and im tired and today's chapter is two prompts in one because i missed a day this week and because YOLO. xx

Aaron was wet, and cold, and tired, following Kevin out of the ocean, eyes trained on his feet and heart rate slowing. The others were sat on the towels, looking up at their approach. “Ready to go?” said Nicky. Aaron nodded. They gathered up their belongings, shaking out towels and repacking food and books and – Aaron shivered, because the sun was setting and he was tired and – and Neil dumped a towel over his head, and Aaron shook it off and scowled at him – and then the towel was being rearranged to fit over his shoulders, Kevin holding it in place by Aaron’s collarbone, and Aaron looked at him, and smiled back, and shoved him once in the shoulder, replacing Kevin’s hand with his own as Kevin walked backwards, smirking with his hands up, and turned to help Andrew collapse the volleyball net, and then –

They were back in the car. And Aaron was asleep in under a minute.

He let his head drop onto Kevin’s warm, sunkissed shoulder. Why shouldn’t he? Kevin was his best friend.

The last thing he felt before falling was Kevin’s head resting on top of his own.

It was hot. A-fucking-gain.

“It’s hot,” Aaron said to the room.

“It’s always hot,” said Nicky. “It’s called _summer_.”

They were lounging around the living room, windows open and something low on the tv, Andrew and Neil’s heads ducked together over something on Andrew’s phone. Nicky was upside down on the armchair, topless, and Kevin was sprawled on the sofa, Aaron sat on the floor leaning against it, head brushing Kevin’s arm.

Kevin said, “We could go outside.”

“Outside warm,” said Andrew.

“That’s not a full sentence,” said Kevin.

“Outside very warm,” said Neil with a smirk, neither looking up from Andrew’s phone.

“What are you two looking at?” snapped Aaron.

“Or do we not want to know?” asked Nicky.

Andrew turned his phone round to something with lots of pastry, and fruit, and chocolate, and Neil explained, “Andrew wants to bake. Or cook. I’m not really sure.”

“Do we have the stuff?” asked Nicky. “I can _not_ get in that metal car in this heat.”

“We have it,” Neil said, unfolding his legs and pulling Andrew to his feet. They wandered off to the kitchen.

Kevin turned his head out the back window. “There’s some shade by the tree in the garden.”

Nicky tumbled gracelessly over his head and onto his back on the floor. “Great,” he said, horizontal, “I’ll grab the picnic blankets.”

They relocated to the shade, kitchen door and windows open so they could hear the soft noises of Andrew and Neil’s conversation, tinny music from the crappy radio, and Nicky grabbed a deck of cards, and they played the games they could remember – mostly drinking games without the drinking, until Nicky complained and Kevin headed inside to scout alcohol.

Kevin pressed a vodka tonic into Aaron’s hand, and a vodka cranberry into Nicky’s, and folded his legs beneath him. “How are you not too warm?” asked Aaron impulsively.

Kevin was wearing cargo shorts and a light navy sweater. “Nothing underneath,” he said with a shrug. “It’s cosy.”

“Weirdo,” replied Nicky, while Aaron sought an answer in his head.

“Right,” he said.

A little while later Andrew and Neil came out, a pile of pastries on plates. Some of them had chocolate inside, some with fruit, and they ate and drank and played games and talked shit, and eventually Kevin removed his sweater, and Andrew and Nicky took their shirts off, and Aaron and Neil melted by choice.

Andrew tugged on Neil’s sleeve, and Neil shrugged at him, and shook his head, and Andrew nodded, and manhandled him a little further into the shade.

Nicky and Andrew were talking about bands they liked, and Neil was getting song names and band members wrong on purpose, Aaron assumed, and Kevin was saying, “How are you not too warm?”

When Aaron looked across at him Kevin was smirking. He rolled his eyes, plucking at his polka dot blue tshirt. “It’s cosy,” he said, mockingly.

Kevin looked at the others. “You don’t wanna take it off?”

Aaron shrugged. He didn’t. He said, “I’m alright.”

Kevin looked upwards, shielded his eyes and said, “I’m going to get sun lotion.”

Aaron flopped onto his back, sunglasses in place, and closed his eyes, listening to the warm murmurs of the others, finding his mind wondering at all the things that had to have fallen into place for the five of them to be here, together, now, and then promptly wandered off it again when Kevin returned and said, “Will you do my back?”

Aaron’s eyes snapped open. Kevin was still topless, holding the sun lotion in one hand, sunglasses on top of his head. Aaron sat up slowly, and said, “Uh, sure.”

Kevin plonked down in front of him, holding his knees to his chest, and Aaron raised up on two knees and – well – ok. He poured some lotion onto his palm, and sort of rubbed his palms together and said, “Uh, everywhere?”

Kevin said, “Whatever,” swigging his vodka neat and clearly keeping one ear on the others’ conversation.

And Aaron said, “Right.”

First, he spread fingertips over the tops of Kevin’s shoulders, delicate, just feeling the warm skin under the slide of the lotion. He covered Kevin with his palms, slid them further down, feeling the shape of Kevin’s shoulder blades under him. Kevin said, quietly, “Why don’t you want to take your shirt off?”

Aaron pressed his heels down into the space below Kevin’s shoulder blades, watching, removing them to get more sun lotion, and said, “I just don’t.” He pushed in with his thumbs first this time, coating either side of Kevin’s spine, and Kevin jolted. Aaron didn’t apologise, spread his fingertips wide and slid his hands down Kevin’s sides, feeling for – he wasn’t sure what.

Kevin said, “You just don’t?”

“I just don’t,” Aaron agreed.

As he pushed into Kevin’s lower back, Kevin sat up straighter, head almost tilting back slightly. Aaron smiled.

“Cause, you know, it’s just us,” Kevin argued. Aaron pinched his hips and Kevin squirmed, being held in place. He turned his head to glare, and when he looked away again Aaron got more sun lotion and Kevin said, “And I’ve seen you at practise.”

“What?” Aaron said, losing the thread. He wrapped his hands around Kevin’s waist and slid sun lotion all around his sides. 

“We’ve seen you at practise,” Kevin said.

“Oh,” said Aaron, hands stilling, body deflating a little and resting on his heels. Kevin was so big, and so small, all at once. His shoulders at head height for Aaron, but his waist, his back, felt so – muscular, sure, but – slender – that’s what Nicky had said? Slender –

“ _Aaron_.”

“Right.” Aaron kneeled up again, and fussed over Kevin’s shoulders some more, coating the backs of his biceps, feeling muscle under his fingertips, palms, everywhere, and said, “I just don’t like it. If I can avoid it. Especially –”

He stopped. Moved away and wiped his hands in the grass.

Kevin turned round and moved his sunglasses on top of his head so he could look sternly at Aaron. “Especially…”

Aaron shrugged. Smirked in that way that meant he was done, and Kevin assessed him one last time and said, “Ok. Well, thanks.” Smiled a little, got to his feet in one graceful move, and found a rogue tennis ball round the back of the tree. He threw it at Neil, who caught it, and got to his feet instantly.

Aaron moved over to his family, flopped between them and let them use his stomach to play cards on, and ate the last pastry, and listened to the sounds of Kevin and Neil arguing, and tried not to think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoulder blades. xx


	6. bbq

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> playing fast and loose with the definition of "a prompt a day" x

For some reason Aaron was volunteered to go food shopping with Neil. Andrew had pushed Neil off the sofa, and then when he’d straightened tugged him back down for a kiss. Aaron looked away and grabbed the shopping bags as he caught sight of Nicky and Kevin headed outside to sunbathe. Not wearing much, as usual.

The maserati was cool at least, and Aaron leant back and felt the air conditioner lightly tickle across his skin.

“So, what are we getting?” Aaron said quietly, eyes closed and relaxing into his seat.

There was a sound of rustling, and then Neil said, “Andrew wrote a list.”

Aaron opened his eyes and took the piece of paper Neil was holding. He started reading.

_sausages  
burgers  
buns  
zucchini  
halloumi  
ice cream  
ice lollies  
chips  
ice cream  
paddling pool_

“Paddling pool?”

Neil shrugged.

 _ice cream_  
 _gummy bears_  
_i don’t like surprises_

Aaron made a noise and shoved the paper back at a smirking Neil. “What does that mean?” said Aaron.

Neil folded the paper and put it back in his pocket. “What?”

“ _I don’t like surprises_.”

Neil grinned. “It means he wants a present but he doesn’t want to admit it.”

Aaron looked away. “You two make no fucking sense,” he said, while kind of thinking the opposite.

The good thing about Neil was there was no mindless chatter. They made their way round the supermarket with efficiency and ease, at least until they got to the random things section, where Neil chose a paddling pool and then spent some time lingering around the toys, electronics, stationery.

Aaron found a small elephant that you could inflate and float in water and handed it to Neil wordlessly. Neil raised his eyebrows and said, “Perfect,” and shoved it in the cart.

On the way back, Neil gripped the steering wheel a little tighter and hummed, something he was terrible and tuneless at doing, and Aaron had come to associate with him thinking. He figured Neil was so used to a childhood where he had to be quiet, some days noises came out of him in fits and starts, when he felt safe, or had something to say. Aaron put his feet on the dash and revelled in having no Andrew to tell him off, and waited for Neil to speak.

Neil said, “Is anything up?”

Aaron looked at him. Neil was staring at the road. “No. Why?”

Neil shrugged, and looked uncomfortable. He said, “Andrew was wondering –”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Aaron snapped. “If Andrew is wondering something he can ask me himself.”

“That’s what I said,” said Neil, annoyingly calm. “He didn’t think you’d tell him.”

“But he thought I’d tell _you_?”

Neil smirked. “I said that too.”

Aaron rolled his eyes and stared out the window. “Nothing’s _up_. I’ll tell him that myself, not that he believes anything I say.”

“Great,” said Neil with false cheer, “so Andrew doesn’t think you tell him anything, and you don’t think he believes you when you do tell him stuff. That’s not messed up at all.”

Aaron laughed, short and humourless. “Stay out of it, Josten.”

Neil shrugged, and they were quiet the rest of the way back.

They unloaded their bags into an empty kitchen. In the garden, Kevin and Nicky were lying side by side in the baking heat, and Andrew was shoving coals into the barbecue, setting pieces of paper on fire to poke it with, before coming inside. He pointed at Aaron. “Vodka.” Aaron took a bottle out the cupboard and handed it to him wordlessly and Andrew headed back outside.

Neil looked up as he shut the fridge. “What’s he doing?”

Outside, Andrew stood a foot back from the barbecue and sprinkled it with vodka. He jumped away as the flames licked into the sky.

Neil ran outside.

Aaron unloaded the rest in peace, and then took the paddling pool outside to set up.

It wasn’t hard. It was a kid’s pool. It inflated itself, and Aaron just watched, and prodded, and listened to Kevin and Nicky talking about random shit, and Neil and Andrew discussing the best arson techniques, and pulled at the hem of his sky blue dotted tshirt. It was fucking hot. _Again_. At least he was wearing shorts today. He poked his knees, ran a finger through his light blonde hair, and then stood to grab the hose. Once the paddling pool was full of water, he grabbed a garden chair, sat it at the edge, put his sunglasses on and, feet sinking into _solid cool liquid glorious water,_ sat down and tilted his head towards the sun.

Once food was on the barbecue, Andrew and Neil pulled up chairs to join him at the edge of the paddling pool. Nicky stripped to his boxers and sat cross-legged in the middle of the pool, splashing water around him and ignoring objections. Kevin pulled up a chair, close, and sank his big feet next to Aaron’s. Aaron wriggled his pale toes through the hazy sheen of the water.

“Oh, I forgot something.” Neil stood up, splashing everyone and jogged inside. When he came back out he was blowing up the elephant. Andrew sat up straight.

Neil’s lungs were insufficient. He sat down and handed it over to Andrew, who took to the task with determined concentration.

Kevin said, “How can you be unfit already?”

Neil glared at him. “It’s not about being unfit, it’s about not having the right blowing technique.”

Andrew spluttered, and the nozzle fell out of his mouth. Nicky almost fell into the water with laughter and Aaron felt his cheeks burn. Neil rolled his eyes. “You guys made that dirty, not me.”

Andrew kept trying to return the nozzle to his mouth, looking at it, and glaring at Neil. “You’ve ruined my elephant.”

Kevin held out a hand. “Give it here.” Andrew handed it over. Kevin took a deep breath – the hair on his tanned chest rising with his skin in the non-existent breeze, still and taut and strong and – and he frowned, and pursed his lips over the nozzle, and hollowed out his cheeks, and blew.

Something poked his bare foot and Aaron looked around to find Neil staring at him.

Aaron left, abruptly. He grabbed a tennis ball from the kitchen and came back, throwing it at Neil’s chest. Neil threw it to Nicky, who threw it back to Aaron, and they talked, about the weather, and the exy season, the freshmen next year, the dorm arrangement, and meanwhile Kevin had handed Andrew back his now inflated elephant, and Andrew was sat cross-legged on the grass next to the pool, and making it swim across the surface, and Kevin was too close to Aaron, and sometimes their feet brushed in the water, and Aaron didn’t jump, or move away too fast, he just stayed chill, and calm, like he didn’t care at all, because he didn’t, and then they were talking about exes.

Neil threw the ball at Nicky. “Well, you know I don’t have any.”

“Liar,” said Andrew, drowning his elephant then saving it again.

Neil caught the ball from Aaron. “A random kiss from a girl I didn’t even enjoy does not make her my ex.” He threw it to Kevin. Nicky had declared himself done, and was lying fully in the pool, head resting on the edge and almost the entirety of his legs dangling into grass.

Kevin threw the ball at Aaron and said to Neil, “I don’t think anyone here believes you know the definition of _relationship_.”

Andrew stilled, and narrowed his eyes at Kevin. Kevin snapped, “Andrew, you’re either in a relationship with Neil or you’re not, take your pick and stick to it will you?”

Andrew directed his glare back at his elephant.

Nicky said, “Kevin?”

Kevin shrugged. “Thea.”

“No one else?”

Kevin looked uncertain.

Neil straightened. “Hey Kevin, do you need help defining _relationship_?”

Kevin threw the ball at his face.

Nicky grinned and removed his sunglasses. “Someone you hooked up with and/or had feelings for over an extended period?”

Kevin definitely looked uncomfortable now.

“He _does_ ,” said Nicky, excited, sitting up and splashing water over the edge. Aaron picked up the end of the hose and filled the pool again, wishing this conversation would be over already.

“Hey, I told you mine,” said Neil.

“What happened to _a kiss doesn’t count_.”

“It doesn’t.”

“Don’t be shy, Kevin,” said Andrew to his elephant.

Kevin sighed and, for some reason, glanced at Aaron, eyes darting at his face and away.

Aaron didn’t know what was coming, where to look. He shut the hose off, placed it back on the glass and sank into his chair.

Kevin said, with some reservation, “Jean.”

Neil said, “Ok.”

But Andrew and Nicky were quiet, staring at Kevin like – almost annoyed.

Aaron felt nothing.

Andrew pointed at him. “Hypocrit.” Andrew never sounded angry, rarely got angry unless – since – protecting Aaron, or Neil, or – but anyway he almost spat the word, and Aaron would have thought he was angry if it wasn’t for the blank expression on his face.

But Neil was watching Andrew. It was never a good sign when Neil was watching Andrew.

Nicky said, “Hey. Why didn’t you tell us?” Quiet, accusatory – hurt?

Aaron didn’t know what the big deal was. He didn’t care.

He picked up the ball where it had fallen in the pool and threw it up and down in one hand.

Kevin said, tight, “It’s not a big deal.”

“Oh, it isn’t?” said Andrew, elephant floating away from him and draping his arms loosely around his knees. “What about your big pro career, Kevin? Wouldn’t it be easier to, oh I don’t know, _remain heterosexual?_ ”

Kevin looked surprised. “Who said that?” Andrew pointed at him, and Kevin huffed. “Well. I don’t remember that. But, of course it would be. That isn’t _wrong_.”

“Kevin, you could have told us you were bisexual,” said Nicky, trying for a gentle smile but looking too eager.

“I’m _not_ ,” snapped Kevin. “It was a long time ago. It was nothing.”

Aaron felt the ball snap back into his palm, threw it up again, higher, and higher, watching it dance through the clouds all green against white against blue.

“Um, ok,” said Nicky, glancing at Neil.

But Neil was still watching Andrew.

Kevin said, “Can we drop it?”

They dropped it.

Nicky launched into a not-so-cheerful story about his first and only girlfriend, and how gross straight kissing is, in a forced cheerful voice, and Neil was still and quiet until Andrew abruptly got to his feet and walked off.

Kevin said, “What’s his problem?”

Neil glared at him. “You’re an asshole, Kevin,” and left to follow Andrew.

Nicky sighed. “He’s mad at you.”

“Thanks for the commentary.”

“You were kind of a dick about it last year.”

Kevin crossed his arms, and his long legs, feet nudging Nicky’s body in the water, and glared into the distance. “It’s not my fault the world is the way it is.”

Nicky was quiet.

Aaron said, “He feels betrayed.”

He stared at the sky while feeling Nicky and Kevin’s attentions focus on him in the periphery. He said, “It’s not about you being homophobic. You lied to him. You told him one thing and did another. He doesn’t like that. You can kind of understand why.” He looked at Kevin’s face, all frowning and broad and unsure under the directness of the day’s heat, and smirked. “Asshole.”

And then everything in Kevin kind of untensed, and Aaron got to watch it happen: first, a small puff of air left his lips, and then he kind of smiled back – small, and wary, but there, just the tips of his lips lifting – and then sinking into his chair one muscle at a time, and then his foot, lifting and splashing water over Aaron’s leg. Kevin said, “What’s new?”

Nicky laughed, and gestured towards the house. “It’s just Andrew. He’s a dramatic little shit. He’ll get over it.”

Kevin gestured at Aaron. “Anyway. It’s your turn.”

Aaron looked up, appalled to find the conversation wasn’t moving on. “What?”

“Exes!” Nicky said. “That delightful topic.”

“Oh, well,” Aaron shrugged and picked up the ball again. “Nothing to say.”

Kevin took the ball out of his hand. “Yeah?”

It was a direct request for information, and Aaron wasn’t sure what to make of that. He said, looking at Nicky. “Nothing in high school, you know that.”

“That was because of Andrew. There was no one before him?”

Aaron shook his head.

“Then Katelyn?”

“Then Katelyn,” he agreed.

Kevin was still quiet, watching them both. He threw the ball to Nicky who caught it and threw it back to Aaron.

“You’ve never told us what happened there,” Nicky said cautiously, sunglasses on but gaze intense beneath the shades. “Why she broke up with you.”

Aaron collected all the courage he had and said, quickly and in one breath, “I broke up with her.”

He was saved their response by Andrew and Neil returning, plates and bowls in their hands, and they all wandered over to the barbecue, and finished cooking together, and rescued burning sausages, and made skewers of zucchini and halloumi, and sat back around the paddling pool with their food, and the conversation moved on. Aaron’s foot pale in the water next to Kevin’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh to have my feet in a paddling pool next to the feet of the one im pining for xx


	7. roller skates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are my prompts all over the place and out of schedule? MAYBE. am i still having fun anyway and isn't that what aftg summer is all about? HELL YEAH.

Roller skating was something Aaron hadn’t done since high school.

It was hot, and he felt restless.

He wasn’t like Neil and Kevin, he didn’t need exy to survive, but he certainly felt the lack of exercise, and the day felt slightly cooler, the sky more white cloud and less blazing hot sun, and he remembered his roller skates were in the cupboard under the stairs.

He was tying them on when Nicky found him.

“Oh cool! Can I come?”

They left out the front door, skating along the road, taking it in turns to yell _Car!_ every now and then.

It was nice.

They skated to the park in silence, and then Aaron took to the ramps and half-pipes, ignoring the jeers from the younger skaters and bikers surrounding them.

He loved the wind on his skin.

Nicky sat to the side and watched, and Aaron wasn’t particularly good, he couldn’t do any impressive moves, but he didn’t care, it just felt good to be finally moving.

He’d felt an itch under his skin for days now.

When he was done, the sun finally creeping back out behind the cloud, he skated over to Nicky and sat down on the hot concrete beside him, untying his skates so he could wriggle his socked toes, and watching teenagers fail impressively over and over again.

Nicky said, “Ah, youth.”

They started making their way back when it was getting on to lunchtime, and Nicky grabbed some beer on the way back to stock the freezer.

When they were nearly back to the house, Nicky ruined what had been a pleasantly quiet morning between the two of them.

“Is everything ok?”

Aaron gave him a look. “Why?”

Nicky shrugged and looked embarrassed. “Andrew thinks –”

Aaron turned to the side, coming to an abrupt stop. “This is ridiculous,” he said. “First he sends Neil, then –”

“He didn’t _send_ me,” Nicky said, stopping too, a little less gracefully, having to scoot back a bit to be level with Aaron. “I overheard him and Neil talking.”

“Well I wish everyone would just leave me alone,” Aaron said, pushing sweaty hair off his forehead. “I’m fine.”

“Why do you sound like Neil when you say that?”

Aaron pushed off again, skating a little faster. He sat on their doorstep to untie his laces and Nicky landed next to him.

Before he could push up to go inside Nicky said, “Listen, don’t be mad. It’s not a bad thing to check up on each other, you know?”

Aaron crossed his arms and looked away. “I know,” he said tightly.

“Right. So, this bad mood you’re in – coincidence?”

“I’m not in a bad mood, I’m fine.”

Nicky looked amused. “Ok, _Neil._ ”

“I –” Aaron stopped, and deflated, all the energy leaving him. “I don’t know,” he said, looking down at his feet.

“Oh,” said Nicky. “So – there is something?”

Aaron shrugged.

“Hmm. You wanna – talk about it?”

Aaron shook his head. “No. I don’t even know – it’s nothing.”

“Is it about Katelyn?”

Aaron shook his head again, and looked up at the houses across their street, aware of Nicky’s eyes on him. “Not really.”

“Ok, way to make me guess, this isn’t going to take _hours_ or anything.”

Aaron smiled. “Look, it’s just – my head’s a bit – all over the place, that’s all. I keep feeling – like really distracted.”

“By anything in particular?” Aaron hummed. “Good thing? Bad thing?” Aaron hummed again. Nicky sighed. “Well, maybe that’s a good thing. You were kinda down when – well, we all thought Katelyn had dumped you. You ever going to tell me what happened there?”

Aaron started shaking his head, then stopped.

Maybe he could – maybe he could tell Nicky.

Except he wasn’t even sure what there was to tell.

Except: that was a lie, wasn’t it.

He opened his mouth to say it, and nothing came out.

He tried again.

After a few minutes of silence, Nicky said, “Ok,” really gently, in a tone of voice Aaron hadn’t heard from him in years. “You don’t have to tell me.”

Aaron shrugged, irritated. “Sorry,” he murmured.

Nicky shrugged an arm around him. “It’s ok.”

Aaron allowed the hug for ten seconds before shrugging him off. “Thanks, Nicky.”

Nicky grinned at him. “For what?”

Aaron shrugged, smiling.

The door behind them opened then, and a curious Andrew was stood at the doorstep. “Having a family meeting without me?” he accused before stepping outside and wedging himself between them, sitting down with a flop.

“Where’s everyone else?” asked Aaron.

Andrew lit a cigarette, and Nicky pulled a face. “Neil’s having a nap. Kevin is accumulating skin cancer.”

“A nap? It’s midday.”

Andrew turned to face Nicky and smirked.

“Oh, nice Andrew,” said Nicky, scrunching his nose, but he was laughing.

Aaron shoved his brother away with one hand.

“Hey,” said a voice behind them. Aaron turned to see Kevin leaning in the doorframe. “What am I missing?”

“We skated to the park,” Aaron said. “Now Andrew is being gross.”

Andrew blew smoke in his face.

“Oh really?” said Kevin, straightening. “Can you teach me?”

Aaron looked at him. “How to roller skate?”

Kevin nodded.

Nicky stood up and handed his skates over. “I think we’re roughly the same size, right?”

Nicky moved away to let Kevin sit down and put them on, and Andrew leaned back on his elbows to smoke against the sunlight.

Eventually Kevin was getting to his feet, slow and gangly, and Aaron stood too, skating in front of him so that he could skate backwards while saying patronising things like, “Come on, Day, you can do it,” and “I thought you were a national star,” and “Did your mother even teach you to walk before she died?”

Kevin swiped at him for that one, and Aaron skated out the way neatly, catching his arm before Kevin could fall to the ground.

“Aggression will get you nowhere,” Aaron said, grinning.

Kevin scowled at him and pulled him backwards so that Aaron was hugged to his chest. “Skate me,” Kevin demanded.

“What?” said Aaron, heart thudding in his ear, the back of his shirt sticking to the sweat on Kevin’s bare skin.

“Skate me around,” Kevin said again.

Aaron sort of held onto Kevin’s arm that was wrapped around his chest, and pushed gently forward, hearing the four sets of wheels roll along the concrete beneath them.

“Ok?” said Aaron quietly.

“Yeah,” said Kevin just as quiet, against his ear. “Um –”

Aaron broke away and just held onto Kevin’s wrist, tugging him along the road and back again.

He taught him to bend his knees, and how to get more motion, and how to stop, and it wasn’t long until Kevin was racing him along the road, and grinning, and then Neil had appeared and wanted a go, so Aaron gave him his roller skates, and eventually Kevin stopped too, handing his back to Nicky’s and looking at Aaron a bit sheepishly and saying, “Thank you,” and heading inside without looking back.

“So, lunch?” suggested Nicky, giving Aaron an odd look.

Aaron watched as Andrew walked in circles on the road, pulling Neil along behind him.

“Sure,” said Aaron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look my guys i promise this is going somewhere you gotta build the tower before you can, you know, reach the top of the tower and be really high up and get a nice view. or something. xxx


	8. tan lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prompt: tan lines  
> me: AARON LIKES RAIN

Aaron was waking up to a breeze on his face. Finally, the day was grey, kind of cool, and he stretched a little in bed, went back to sleep.

When he toed downstairs a few hours later, Kevin was lying on the sofa reading, fully clothed for once – orange sweatpants and a tight white tshirt, but still – and no one else seemed to be around.

Aaron knocked a knuckle against the doorframe. “Hey. Where is everyone.”

Kevin lowered his book from his face. It was the one Aaron had recommended him. Aaron smirked. “They went out for breakfast.”

“You didn’t wanna go?”

Kevin shrugged and sat up. “Maybe I didn’t want to leave your lazy ass.” He smiled.

Kevin didn’t used to smile this much. Aaron couldn’t say he hated the new development. “Fuck off,” said Aaron cheerfully. “Coffee?”

“Kitchen.” Kevin curled up against the end of the sofa and picked up his book again.

Aaron brought back two mugs and put them on the coffee table, and curled up at the opposite end of the sofa, mirroring Kevin. He picked up his mug again and blew at the top, closing his eyes.

It started raining, and Aaron opened his eyes. Kevin had been looking at him, or maybe at the window behind his head, and said, “It’s raining.”

“No shit,” said Aaron, turning to look too. What was one moment a light fall quickly became an absolute hammering against the glass. “Cool,” said Aaron, putting his mug down.

“It’s rain,” said Kevin. “What’s cool about that?”

Aaron turned back to look at him. “I dunno, it’s just –” he gestured. “It’s loud and amazing. You don’t think so?”

The corner of Kevin’s mouth lifted. “No.”

Then the rain became even heavier, and Kevin said, “I hope they are able to get back ok.”

Aaron decided something in an instant. He sipped at his still burning coffee and said, “Fuck it, I’m going outside.”

Kevin’s book slammed shut. “You are not.”

“I am.” Aaron stood up.

“Why would you do that?”

The rain was pattering against glass, brick, concrete, and Aaron wanted to be a part of that; wanted to feel it against his skin, wanted it to wash away the parts of him he carried around like a burden, just wanted to smile into rainfall. He didn’t say that, he just said, “Come with me.”

Kevin gave him a look. “I’m nice and dry. If we go outside I’ll only have to shower. I have already showered.”

Aaron shrugged, looking away before the image of a not so-dry Kevin dripping wet and climbing into the shower took up too much space in his brain. “Well, I’m going.” He tugged off his hoody so he was just in shorts and a tshirt and walked through the kitchen.

He threw open the back door, almost took a deep breath, and stepped outside.

It was immediate, the sensation of being hammered by something so soft, and light, and – ridiculous, he was ridiculous, he knew, but he grinned, and tilted upwards, immediately having to blink hard against the onslaught, opening his mouth and then turning away and coughing lightly. He spun in a little circle.

“You’re insane!” Kevin’s voice sounded over the rainfall.

Aaron grinned at him, cowering in the doorway. “Coward!” he yelled back.

Kevin hated being called a coward.

Aaron knew all his secrets.

With a scowl, Kevin shrugged off his slippers and took a tentative step outside. He immediately lifted his arms in horror, over his head. “This is ridiculous!” he shouted.

“I know!” Aaron shouted back. He laughed and lifted his arms, spinning.

Kevin folded his arms over the top of his head, scowl slowly lifting, and the he laughed too, trying to brush water out of his hair and failing over, and over again. He said, “How is it still so hot!”

“I don’t know!”

Kevin put a hand on his back collar, and lifted his top over his head.

Aaron’s smiled faded.

He looked away.

Kevin was moving in his peripheral, and when he looked back Kevin was turning in a slow circle, eyes closed, arms still crossed over his head, except now they were bare, and he was holding his biceps by his fingertips, chest slightly lifted and taut and –

Aaron took a step towards him, blinking constantly against the downfall.

Kevin opened his eyes and grinned. “THIS IS INSANE.”

“I can hear you fine, Day.”

Kevin said, “You must be soaked! It’s boiling, why don’t you take your shirt off.” Aaron frowned at him, and Kevin just shrugged. “You’re the one who dragged me out here.”

“I did not _drag_ you out here.”

“Trust me, it feels weird. Good weird.”

Kevin half-turned and closed his eyes, and Aaron held out his arms again, just to feel the rain, and squirmed a little in place. Before he could lose his nerve he tore the hem of his shirt up and over his head and tossed it in a heap on the grass. He closed his eyes and spun in another circle. “Fuck,” he said. The rain was only getting heavier. “You’re right.” The sensation against his skin was amazing, thundering, drumming, hard and heavy and – amazing. When he opened his eyes to grin at Kevin, Kevin was looking at him, something odd in his expression. 

Aaron stopped spinning. “What?” He felt self-conscious now, the desire to tug his arms around his chest almost too hard to overcome. He stood very still.

Kevin let out a little breath, and then huffed out a laugh and looked away. He gestured at Aaron while staring at a tree and said, loud above the thunder that was cracking overhead, “You – you’re very pale.”

Aaron looked down at himself. He didn’t tan easily, but the lines outside his shirt were darker than his chest, his shoulders. He never took his shirt off outdoors. Aaron looked back at Kevin. “Well, yeah,” he said, uncertain.

Kevin flicked a look back at him, and smirked. “Looks good,” he stuttered.

Aaron blinked at him, floored. “It does??”

Kevin laughed and pushed him away with one hand to his chest, taking off in a lap of the garden while Aaron watched him, spinning again and holding his face towards the sky, and letting the rain wash this into memory.

Neil’s voice carried over the rain, “WE’RE BACK.” And, “WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?” 

Aaron said, “KEVIN DRAGGED ME OUT HERE.”

Kevin said, “AARON’S RIDICULOUS.”

Nicky yelled, “GET INSIDE NOW YOU LOVEABLE ASSHOLES.”

They ran inside, dripping over the kitchen tiles, and Aaron held up his sopping shirt to his chest, self-conscious again, but Kevin had just left his outside, completely unashamed.

Andrew and Neil were sat at the kitchen table, not particularly dry themselves and mugs of hot chocolate in their hands, and Andrew pointed at them and said, “Do you have a death wish?”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “No one has ever died from _rain,_ Andrew.”

“That you know of,” said Neil.

“I’m a medical student.”

“Exactly, not a... rainologist.”

Even Andrew gave Neil a disgusted look for that, but then he kissed him and Neil smiled at him.

Nicky hopped up onto the counter and said, “They’re my one true pairing.”

Neil and Andrew glared at him, and Kevin left the room.

Aaron followed him out, wandering up the stairs behind him, trying not to walk too close, but noticing without meaning to that where his sweatpants hung low on his hips there was a small, thin, band of pale, just above his – Aaron wanted to reach out and press his fingers into the skin.

In the bathroom, Kevin was still panting to catch his breath from his run, and threw a towel at Aaron’s head, and rubbed one over his hair.

Aaron said, “That was fun.”

Kevin hesitated, hair messy on his head and torso wet and glistening, sweatpants dangerously low on his hips still, and leaned against the wall. “Yeah,” he said, smile gone and watching Aaron.

Aaron cleared his throat. He said, “Um, you can shower first,” and closed the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: this chapter things will start happening  
> boys: i dont know what im doing  
> me: well ok then CAN'T RUSH THESE THINGS


	9. popsicles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> linguistics lesson - in the uk we call them "ice lollies" and i'll be honest i have no idea if i was using the word "popsicle" correctly even half the time in this chapter. but i tried, just for you. and, let's be honest, for aaron. xx

Aaron successfully avoided Kevin for almost an entire morning.

He started by intercepting Neil at 8am, gathering in the hallway and tying their laces together before setting off on a light jog.

When they got back Kevin was still asleep in the living room, Andrew stood in the kitchen with a mug of coffee, so while Neil sat on Kevin to get him up, Aaron wandered into the kitchen and said, “Wanna go for a drive?”

Andrew just stared at him, like he did sometimes, and Aaron was about to give up and go find Nicky when Andrew nodded. Andrew wandered into the living room with his coffee and Aaron jogged upstairs to take a quick shower; afterwards he waited in the hallway and bounced on his toes until Andrew appeared with keys and cigarettes and they left.

Aaron sat in the passenger seat – a rare treat – and held his hand out the window, feeling the breeze on his palm, wrist, forearm. It started heating up after not long, and Andrew made his feelings about that known by closing the windows and nearly dismembering Aaron’s hand in the process, and blasting the ac.

They drove around Columbia, and out to the highway where Andrew drove fast and Aaron clutched his seat and grinned.

Andrew pulled into some independent diner and they ordered identical sets of chocolate chip pancakes and iced tea and stared out the window. Aaron held his drink against his face, and closed his eyes, feeling the coolness of the glass seep into his skin. Andrew cut his pancakes up into tiny pieces and Aaron ate his in three forkfuls.

On the way back, when they were 10 minutes out from their house, Aaron said, “Thanks.”

Andrew didn’t reply.

He pulled off the road and into a Walmart parking lot and turned the engine off and said, “Tell me what’s going on.”

Aaron stared out the window. “Nothing,” he said. “Can you not ruin this?”

Andrew was staring at the side of his face, and Aaron just glared out the window, and eventually Andrew got out the car, slamming the door shut behind him.

Aaron followed.

In Walmart, Andrew walked straight to the freezers and Aaron laughed. “Thank god,” he said.

They stood in a freezer aisle, and ranked their favourite desserts from best to worst. Andrew made a vomiting motion at the frozen blueberries, and Aaron read aloud the ingredients list of vegan ice cream and Andrew cursed at it in German.

It was fun.

When Aaron felt less like melting in a puddle of his own sweat, he grabbed a box of different flavoured popsicles, and Andrew grabbed a few pints of chocolate ice cream, and they paid for their goodies and left.

Aaron put the box in the freezer, took out an orange one, and went out into the garden.

There were a couple of a chairs on the porch with a small table, just covered in enough shade that Aaron could enjoy the outside without being killed by the heat. He sat in one of the white plastic chairs that he remembered finding with Nicky abandoned outside someone’s house, and took the packaging off his orange popsicle, and watched a couple of birds having a conversation on the hedge.

“Can I join you?” Aaron turned his head to see Kevin lingering in the doorway, uncertain, a strawberry popsicle held cautiously between his fingers; like he wasn’t sure what it was doing there.

Aaron turned away. “Sure.”

They sat side by side, and Aaron didn’t look at Kevin, Kevin and his stupid inability to wear a fucking shirt during summer, and Kevin said, “Where did you two go?”

“Breakfast,” Aaron said. Then he gestured with his free hand. “Walmart.”

“Cool,” said Kevin.

Aaron looked at him as Kevin lapped tentatively at his popsicle, a look of concentration on his face. “Do you even like popsicles?”

Kevin shrugged. “I’ve never had one.”

Aaron gaped. “Uh. How?”

Kevin said, “Not a lot of wiggle room in the Nest nutrition plan.”

Aaron felt kind of bad at that. He sank a little in his chair and propped his toes up on the railing. He licked his popsicle and said, “I thought there wasn’t much wiggle room in the Kevin Day nutrition plan either.”

“There isn’t,” said Kevin, looking thoroughly disappointed in himself. Aaron laughed, and Kevin’s face brightened a fraction. “But – I like strawberry.”

After a minute, Aaron said, “Well?”

“It’s too sweet,” said Kevin, taking tiny little licks.

Aaron put the whole thing in his mouth, and took it out again. “You’ve really gotta go for it, man.” Kevin stared at him, then at his popsicle, then put the whole thing in his mouth.

Aaron grinned. “Well?” he said again, when Kevin removed it with a pop.

“It tastes exactly the same, except now my teeth are cold.”

Aaron laughed.

He felt better, just sitting here with Kevin like it was completely natural – which it was – just staring at the day before them like nothing was different – which it wasn’t.

The words left Aaron’s mouth before he could check them. “This is nice. We never get to do this.”

Kevin looked at him. “What?”

Aaron felt embarrassed, immediately, and tried to shrug it off. “Nah, nothing.”

“No, what?”

“You know, just –” Aaron searched for the words. “No drama,” he said with a huff. “No fucking Andrew trying to – just you know. Everyone getting on. Just us sitting here. We never get to do this.”

Kevin hummed and said, “I suppose. I miss exy.”

Aaron wanted to throw his popsicle at him, but he was enjoying it, so instead he said, “You’re impossible.”

Kevin smirked a little and said, “I think I know what you mean though. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this – relaxed. I’m not really sure what to do with myself.” Aaron turned his head, sharp, to see Kevin actually _frowning_ at the garden, and laughed.

“Oh man,” said Aaron, as Kevin smiled a little ashamedly at him. “What are you going to do when you retire?”

Kevin settled back in his chair, and talked about maybe coaching, and as he talked, and got further away from the intricacies of plays he’d like to develop, and further into giving kids a chance to enjoy the sport and play to their strengths and uncomfortably left the implication hanging in the air _and have the childhood I never had_ , Aaron was outright staring at him.

Aaron said, “Right,” with a sigh, and let his eyes linger on Kevin’s chest before meeting his eyes again.

Kevin was watching him. “What about you?” he said, melty popsicle dripping over fingers that he had to keep sucking into his mouth.

Aaron felt hot all over. “You really want to coach kids?” he said again.

“Yeah,” Kevin said with a frown. “What about you?”

Aaron watched Kevin’s fingers. “Medical school. Marry Katelyn. Two kids. A dog. Bored by 30,” he recited, looking away. He shrugged. “I don’t know. Medical school, definitely. I want to be a doctor. I want to – help people. And I like biology.” He looked at the end of his popsicle, stick held tight between his fingers, felt embarrassed.

But Kevin just said, “Yeah,” all quiet and, “I get it.” Aaron looked at him, and Kevin’s eyes were resting on something just below his. He said, “You’re –” and reached out fingers like he was going to touch him. Aaron froze. “Messy,” Kevin muttered, finger landing on the corner of Aaron’s mouth and wiping off juice. Aaron’s heart stopped. He just stopped, completely aware that Kevin was inches away from him, and that his eyes were closing, and that he had no idea what he was doing or why or if he even wanted it – of course he did – even as Kevin’s lips landed on the corner of his mouth.

It was gentle, impossibly gentle, and Aaron turned sideways, slowly, until his lips found Kevin’s, and he and Kevin kissed each other.

They kissed each other, Aaron was certain of it. It was so slow, and his mind was so frazzled, it was impossible to tell. Kevin’s lips were there, and tasted of strawberry, and Aaron pressed into the taste a little. At first Kevin was just breathing, frozen, and then Aaron felt him respond, and he was kissing him too, Aaron was sure of it now, and –

Soon, too soon, it stopped. They stopped. Eyes closed, the feel of Kevin’s breath on his lips, and then his cheek, and then Kevin breathed, “Shit.”

Aaron swallowed, and whispered, “I know, it’s –”

“Fuck,” Kevin said, louder, and Aaron opened his eyes to see Kevin slamming backwards into his chair, a look of intense regret on his face, and shut his mouth.

Aaron looked away, and then down at the stick still in his hand, and let it fall to the deck.

Kevin was silent for 30 seconds, half a minute, a silence so agonising Aaron had enough time to gather all the anger and hurt in his stomach and let it swirl around, wishing he was anywhere else, wishing he was in Andrew’s car, wishing they were crashing it, wishing he hadn’t bought the fucking popsicles, wishing he hadn’t come here, wishing Kevin had stayed in fucking Palmetto, and then Kevin said, his voice tight and formal, “Sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Aaron said, trying to make his voice as void of emotion as possible, wondering if he sounded like Andrew, hoping for once that he did.

Kevin didn’t look at him as he stood up, went inside, and closed the door behind him, popsicle stick left behind on the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :(


	10. day trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woops i wrote too much oh nooo  
> i am running late and didnt have time to edit dont @ me

“I’m bored,” said Nicky, head upside-down, legs thrown over the top of the armchair and hair almost touching the carpet.

No one replied. Neil and Kevin were out running, and Andrew and Aaron were on the sofa, eating breakfast and staring at the tv.

Nicky said, “Hello?”

Aaron didn’t say anything.

Andrew looked at him, and then at Nicky, and said, “Yes?”

“I’m _bored_ ,” Nicky said again. He righted himself, sat cross-legged in the armchair and said, “Let’s go somewhere today.”

Andrew looked at Aaron again. Aaron poked a spoon in his cereal. Andrew said, “Where.”

Nicky bounced a little in his chair. “I don’t care. The lake. The zoo. Fuck it, Charlotte, we’ll take Kevin to nerd out at museums, wherever. I’m bored of being in the house.”

“You’ve been playing video games and sunbathing,” said Andrew. “We went to the beach.”

Nicky nodded. “All good things. The beach was _last week_ Andrew. Take me out! I demand adventure.”

Andrew pointed a spoon at him. “Museums are not adventure.”

Nicky sighed dramatically. “Fine. Another day of video games then.”

Andrew looked at Aaron, who hadn’t spoken. That morning. Or most of the previous day. He said. “Aaron.”

Aaron looked at him, and Nicky, and shrugged. He finished his cereal and sank into the sofa, eyes on the dumb quiz show.

A minute later, Andrew and Aaron said, simultaneously, “Quito.” They knew all the capitals in South America.

Nicky laughed and said, “I can’t believe you remember that shit.”

Andrew tapped his head.

Aaron shrugged and said, “Sporcle.”

The front door opened, and Neil’s voice floated through the house. Aaron sank further into the sofa, only just able to see the tv screen over his knees.

He heard Nicky say, “ _Finally_. You’re just in time to convince these two boring assholes that we should go somewhere today!”

“Where?” asked Neil. Aaron looked to the side to see him stretching out while Kevin leant against the doorframe. Andrew held out his hand and Neil sat down in between them on the sofa, half on Andrew’s lap. Kevin stayed in the doorway.

“Anywhere, man!” said Nicky. “I am _distressed_. We could go to the zoo, or the lake, or Charlotte –”

“Charlotte?” said Kevin. “We could to the modern art museum.”

“That’s exactly the kind of nerdy enthusiasm I’m after, thank you.”

Neil sat up a little. “Art museum?” he said.

Andrew played with his fingers.

Aaron turned away to watch the tv.

Nicky said, “Yeah! I’ve never been actually. I don’t care, I just want to go somewhere where there’s people. It’s not far. We could go shopping, get dinner, get wasted. Neil will drive!”

Neil said, “Sounds good, honestly.” And then he and Andrew had a silent conversation, and Andrew nodded, and Nicky stood up babbling about how they were leaving in 15 minutes and ran off to get ready. Neil kissed Andrew and left, the sound of the shower making its way through the house. When Aaron turned his head Kevin had disappeared.

Andrew said, “You’re being very quiet.”

Aaron shrugged. “Nothing to say.”

“Obtuse.”

“Maybe I’m just taking a leaf out of your book.”

Andrew hummed. “Are you coming?”

“To Charlotte? Why wouldn’t I.”

“Could stay here.”

Aaron glanced at Andrew, who was watching him. Andrew knew something, though probably not the right thing, and was offering a solution. Aaron glared at him. “I’m fine.”

Andrew narrowed his eyes a little, and then got up and took their bowls and left.

Aaron pulled the sleeves of his hoody over his hands, and turned the tv off.

He wasn’t sure why, but when they got to the car, Neil was babbling to Kevin about exy, and just climbed into the back seat with him. Aaron and Nicky gave each other a confused look and, out of habit, Aaron muttered, “Was ist da los?”

And Nicky shrugged and grinned. “Einem geschenkten Gaul schaut man nicht ins Maul.”

Andrew gave them a look, and said, “Steig in das verdammte auto.”

Aaron got in the auto.

At least this way he wouldn’t have to look at him, touch him, vibrate against his leg for an hour.

He said, “Wake me up when we get there,” and drifted off to the sound of Andrew’s music, and Neil’s babbling, and Nicky’s enthusiasm, and Kevin’s overwhelming silence.

It was midday when they arrived in Charlotte, so Andrew found a parking place, and they got corn dogs from a cart, and waited outside stores while Nicky dragged Neil in to look at clothes, and then Kevin dragged Neil in to look at sports gear, and then they all fell victim to a mall, and Aaron followed the others around, hands in his pocket, bought doughnuts when no one else had any change, and followed them into a bookstore, as Nicky told him about a book he was enjoying.

Aaron went to the historical fiction section. He’d finished his book, and wanted another one. He eyed a few titles, picking out something purple and black, something violent in the title, and flipped to read the blurb.

Kevin turned up and said, “Oh, sorry.”

Aaron didn’t look up. He was reading his blurb. He started to read it again.

“Can you recommend anything?”

Aaron gave Kevin a sharp look. He was taller than Aaron, which wasn’t special, but Kevin usually had a way of holding himself that made Aaron feel like they were on even footing; a smile, or a gesture, that made him feel like Kevin didn’t notice, or care. Today he was holding himself like the distance between them was intentional; tense, and tall, and closed off.

Kevin said, “I finished the book you gave me. I wondered if you had another recommendation.” All formal and fucking polite and staring at Aaron like –

Aaron picked something at random and shoved it into Kevin’s hand and walked off with his purple book. He paid for it at the counter and stormed outside, and leaned against the cool exterior of the store, and breathed.

Neil appeared, and leaned against the wall. Aaron raised an eyebrow at him, and Neil shrugged, and said, “I looked at all the books. I don’t understand how Andrew always takes so long.”

There was a smoothie cart opposite, so they grabbed some, and sat at a bench, and Neil asked Aaron what his book was about, so Aaron read the blurb out loud, and then Neil asked about the backstory with the criminal family, and Aaron patronisingly explained that, as he hadn’t read it yet, he didn’t know, and Neil grabbed the book, and flicked to the middle, and fell silent.

Aaron said, “You can’t just read the middle of the book.”

“Books are too slow. I just wanna know what happens.” Neil skipped ahead a few pages, and Aaron left him to it, and took out his phone.

The others came out when their smoothies were gone, and Neil had spoiled to Aaron some aspects of the crime storyline, and Kevin had a book clenched in his hand, and Aaron stood and follow his family out of the mall.

Then they went to the art museum.

Neil looked like he’d never been to one before.

“You look like you’ve never seen _art_ before,” Nicky said, poking him in the cheek.

Neil swatted him away. “Of course I have. I just – like it.”

Andrew grabbed his hand, and tugged, and Neil walked up to the first painting, hand in hand, and gestured at it while he talked, Andrew’s gaze on his face the whole time.

Nicky said, “Come on,” and Aaron mostly followed him around, Kevin lingering behind them, and Aaron could practically feel his gaze on his back, and wished he would just fuck off.

At one point, Neil said, “I think there’s a modern art gallery?”

And they relocated. It used to irritate the living fuck out of Aaron, the foxes’ instinct to give Neil what he wanted, out of a sense of making up for his life, as if they all hadn’t suffered. But he found he didn’t mind, watching Neil’s face light up, and Andrew’s too, as Neil explained what he liked, and he what he didn’t – he didn’t mind, but he did feel overwhelmed, so he broke off quietly and wondered off in a different direction.

He was standing in front of an orange and purple monstrosity, when Kevin said, “Do you like it?”

Aaron folded his arms, and didn’t reply.

Kevin said, “I do, but I’m not sure why.” And then, “It’s a mess, but –”

“Kevin,” Aaron interrupted, voice tight and putting everything he had into keeping it even, “no offence, but I don’t give a fuck.”

Kevin was quiet, and Aaron thought he might finally take the hint, but instead he said, quietly, “Can we talk?”

Aaron glared at him. “About what?”

“About –” Kevin looked around them, a little uncomfortable. “Yesterday.”

“Sure,” snapped Aaron, “Go ahead.” He was burning up inside, and he felt awful and angry all at once, and Kevin just _stood_ there, looking at him like – Kevin was just looking at him, and saying nothing, and Aaron said, “Great talk,” and left.

He left the gallery, and walked up the road, and walked up another road, and another, and when he got to a park, he walked some more until he found a tree to collapse under.

It was hot – again – and the ac of the mall and the gallery had been amazing, and Aaron hadn’t appreciated it like he should have.

He lay against grass, let it tickle his bare arms, and closed his eyes against the brightness of the day.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he ignored the call, and then texted Andrew, _Freedom park._

Twenty minutes later Andrew called again, and Aaron ignored it again, and then shared his location, and then Neil and Andrew were leaning over him, Andrew with his arms folded, and Aaron snapped, “Great. You’re finally here. It’s too fucking hot by the way.” They sat down next to him, and Andrew produced a bottle of water, and Aaron gulped it down, grateful, and sat up, and passed it back, and frowned down at his hands.

Neil started talking. Aaron wasn’t sure what he was doing – he just talked about the gallery, what his favourite pieces were, how he was thinking of taking a course in something like art history next semester, and eventually pieces of Aaron felt like they were gluing back together, like his anger was a thing that could melt away, at least a little, like he could be tethered to the present, like the grass beneath his legs was real, at least a little, like Neil and Andrew were real people, who were here with him, and he looked up to find Neil smiling at him. Aaron frowned. Neil shrugged. “Helps Andrew, sometimes, when he gets like that.”

“It helps that he’s dull,” said Andrew. “Really puts anything you thought was worse into perspective.” Aaron smirked, and Neil shoved Andrew gently, and grinned at them.

“Anyway. I’m going for a walk so you guys can not talk to each other.” Neil stood up in one graceful movement, and walked off.

“Asshole,” said Aaron.

“He thinks he’s so clever,” agreed Andrew. And then, abruptly, gaze hard on Aaron’s, “This time, you are going to tell me what’s wrong, and you are not going to lie about it.”

Aaron frowned, and stared down at the grass, and thought about it. “I don’t think I can tell you.”

“Explain.”

“I – it’s not something we talk about.”

And then Andrew was quiet, and eventually he said, “Let’s start. You tell me, and I will tell you.”

Aaron looked at him. “Tell me what?”

“Whatever it is you tell me. I will tell you something in exchange. So we’ll be even,” he emphasised, like it was supposed to be obvious.

Aaron hunched his knees up to his chest, and looked away, and felt his insides knot and rub together and said, “I think I might be gay.”

There was a long silence after that. Aaron realised Andrew wasn’t going to say anything until Aaron expanded, so he let out a little breath, and said in a rush, “That’s why I broke up with Katelyn. I think – but I don’t know. I didn’t want to tell you.”

Aaron looked at Andrew out the corner of his eye. Andrew was studying him. He said, slowly, “Ok. Then I am gay too.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “I already knew that, it doesn’t count.”

“But I have never told you.”

Aaron thought about it. “Huh. I guess you haven’t. I’m still not sure it counts.”

Andrew spread his hands. “Now it’s something we talk about, yes?”

Aaron felt something unclench in him, like this was something he’d had no idea he needed. He sighed, long and painful, and said, “Yes. Ok. Yes.”

Andrew said, “It’s not just that. Yes?”

“Yes,” Aaron admitted. “But if I tell you I’m worried you’ll stab him.”

“Him?”

“...Kevin.”

Andrew looked actually startled at that, and it would have been funny that this was what finally provoked a response out of his brother, but Aaron didn’t have it in him to find anything about this situation particularly funny. “Day?”

Aaron huffed out a humourless laugh. “Who else.”

Andrew looked furious. “What did he do.”

Aaron frowned, and let his knees fall to the side, and sat up. “Nothing. I mean – nothing.” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s nothing, and what I need is for you to drop it. You hear me?” He glared at Andrew, willing him to understand, and eventually Andrew took in a deep breath, and nodded. “Ok,” said Aaron. “What I need is for us to get out of here. I’m hungry and I just want to go. Ok?”

“Ok,” said Andrew. He stood, and waited for Aaron to stand too, and they turned to see Neil making a perimeter of the section of park they were in, and Andrew whistled, and Neil looked up and jogged over to them.

“Ok?” said Neil. Neither of them answered. Andrew stormed off and Neil frowned at Aaron.

Aaron said, “Calm down Josten. He’s fine.”

“And you?” Neil asked.

Aaron said, “It’s – whatever.” Neil nodded, and followed after Andrew.

There must have been some kind of group communication, because they met in a mexican restaurant, and Nicky chatted about the food, and the exy store they’d found, and their food had arrived before anyone else had said a word.

It was Kevin who said, “What did you guys do?” looking directly at Neil, as if that was his safest bet.

Neil said, “Oh, we just went to the park. Walked. You know.”

Andrew was quiet, staring at Kevin like he was daring him to speak to him, and Kevin flicked his eyes at Andrew, and then at Aaron, and then went quiet again.

While they were waiting for the cheque, Aaron stood up to go to the bathroom, and he was just washing his hands when Kevin came in behind him. Before he could even open his mouth, Kevin said, “Will you just let me apologise?”

Aaron dried his hands, and folded his arms, and said, “Ok.”

Kevin looked surprised, like he hadn’t been expecting just easy acquiescence, and opened and closed his mouth a few times before he managed, “I’m sorry.”

Aaron nodded. “Ok. Can I go now?”

“Why are you so angry?”

“I’m not.”

Kevin took a step forward, looking frustrated. “It was a mistake. I didn’t mean to – I don’t know what happened. Can we just – pretend it didn’t happen?”

Aaron had never felt so worthless. So much like he didn’t know who he was, or what he was doing. Something inside was sticky and painful, familiar like an instinct that if he showed no reaction he might stop getting hit.

“Sure, Day,” said Aaron, low and emotionless. “No problem. Can I go now?”

Kevin frowned, and stepped to the side, and Aaron walked past him, feeling empty, feeling like he wanted to cry, knowing he couldn’t, knowing that wouldn’t help, knowing it would just make everything worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :( :(


	11. bonfire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonfiiiiiiiiiiiire

Aaron’s freedom was coming to an end. Soon the two-week enforced exile from court and the confiscation of Kevin and Neil’s keys would be over, and they would have to go stay at Abby’s for the rest of the vacation, which he didn’t mind in and of itself, Abby was cool, but it would mean leaving the house in Columbia he’d come to regard as home, returning to a life he wasn’t sure he wanted a part of anymore.

Aaron lay in bed, staring at nothing, trying not to go over the day before in his head. Dinner had been hell, the drive home only bearable because Neil claimed the back-middle again and Aaron got to sleep in the front seat with his head resting against glass, his brother by his side.

That was weird, too. Would he and Andrew take their truce back to Palmetto? It was weird. But kind of – nice. Not to be at war all the time.

And Kevin –

_No._

Aaron frowned at himself, shook his head once and then got out of bed, a new anger propelling him into the day.

Downstairs he found Kevin and Nicky sat at the kitchen table, not talking to each other. Aaron nodded in their general direction and poured himself a coffee. He stood leaning against the sink, looking outside as the oak tree’s smallest branches swayed a little in the breeze, letting the first sips of coffee pull him into his own determination to stop giving a shit.

Nicky said, gently, “What do you wanna do today?” and then, when no one answered, said, “Yeah, I’m kinda beat too. Aaron. Video games. Come.” He stood and left the room, and Aaron could hear him fiddling with the console in the living room.

Aaron found some bread, popped some slices in the toaster, watched it until it was done, got out a plate, spread jam over his toast, grabbed his coffee, and walked past Kevin into the living room.

They killed zombies until Andrew got up. Then they killed more zombies, and unlocked a new area, and Aaron died, and then he gave up his controller so that Andrew had an excuse to hold Neil in his lap and teach him how to play, and then Aaron wondered where Kevin was, and then Nicky was laughing and Aaron refocused on Neil’s character falling off a building, and remembered his decision to stop feeling anything.

Then Kevin appeared, hair dripping a little as he ran a short towel through his hair, and Aaron shrank a little further into his sofa, and stole Nicky’s controller, and brought Neil back to life, and protected him from zombies.

Kevin said, “It’s supposed to be less hot today. Neil, do you want to go to the gym?”

“Yes,” said Neil amicably, not removing his attention from where he was following behind Aaron, occasionally switching to the wrong gun, resting against Andrew’s chest and sleepy and pyjama-clad.

Andrew said, “No.”

Kevin said, “You can’t tell us what to do.”

Andrew tightened his hands a little around Neil. “Later.”

Kevin sat in an armchair, crossed his legs. Watched the game for a while. Met Aaron’s eyes and Aaron looked away, hurriedly.

Remembered his plan.

He wasted a few hours playing the game, or reading, legs over Neil and Andrew’s laps, head against the armrest, diving in and out of historical Italian mafia craziness.

Kevin said, “Neil.”

“Ok,” said Neil, dropping his controller and bringing Andrew to his feet. “Compromise,” he said, smirking at Andrew and tugging him out the room. “I’m just gonna shower,” he yelled from the hallway, Andrew in tow.

“Gross,” said Aaron, automatically.

“It’s cute,” said Nicky.

“They’re not cute,” said Kevin.

“They’re showering together!”

“Can you not,” said Aaron.

Nicky sighed. “You two are the most unromantic people I have ever met. No offence but you’ll never get g– partners, if you act like this.” Aaron noticed the correction, and assumed it was for Kevin’s benefit – as pointless as that might be – and didn’t look up from his book.

Nicky lay on the floor, game on pause, and said, slowly, “You know, cousin of mine, you never told us what the deal was with Katelyn.”

“Maybe because it’s none of your business,” Aaron said, book so close to his face it was almost resting on it. He had the whole sofa now, and was stretched out on it, taking advantage, but that meant he had to hold his book up. It also meant he couldn’t see whether or not Kevin was looking at him.

Nicky said, “And you don’t have to tell us. But you can if you want to. We’re family.”

Aaron said, “It doesn’t matter.”

“Ok,” said Nicky, so easy he sounded almost cheerful, and then immediately, “Oh my god I love being on vacation, I’m making waffles. Kevin, there will be waffles when you get back from the gym. Isn’t that incredible?”

Aaron heard Nicky leaving the room, and tried hard to read another paragraph. The room was so still, and quiet, and tense, and he just hated it, and just wished they could go back to the way things were, stupid piggy back rides and skating and just wondering but not _knowing_ –

“Hey,” said Kevin quietly. “How’s your novel?”

Aaron removed the book from his face and took in Kevin. He was still sat in the same armchair, sitting upright, like he knew his legs wouldn’t fold into the chair if he tried, looking – sad, maybe.

Aaron frowned. “It’s good,” he said. “I’m halfway through already.”

“Yeah?” said Kevin, a hopeful note in his voice.

Aaron felt kind of bad suddenly. “Yeah,” he said, quiet and regretful and – Aaron sat up a little and rested his book on his chest. “Have you started yours?”

“Yes,” said Kevin quickly, nodding and sitting up straighter. “It’s – well. I couldn’t sleep last night, so I read most of it and – well.”

Aaron smirked. “I may have picked it out at random.”

Kevin paused. And then glared. “Asshole. It’s terrible.”

Aaron laughed. “Shit. Sorry about that.”

Kevin waved a hand, incensed. “Absolutely nothing in the book makes sense! I don’t believe any of the characters would do any of the things they’re doing, the language they speak is completely anachronistic, and England didn’t even _have_ a sewage system during that time period.”

“Sewage, huh? Sounds like a fun book.”

Kevin’s frown faded, and he grinned. “Absolutely awful,” he said. “Asshole.”

By the time he and Neil left for the gym, Aaron felt a little better.

They ate waffles, a few staying safe from Andrew’s wandering hands in the oven for when Kevin and Neil got back, and they sat round the kitchen table for once, and Andrew stared out the back window, a considering look on his face.

“At least tell me you’re not considering arson,” said Nicky off-handedly.

Andrew’s eyebrows raised.

“Oh no,” said Aaron with a sarcastic drawl as Andrew stuffed the end of his maple-drizzled waffle in his mouth and got to his feet.

“It’ll be fine,” said Andrew, shoving his shoes on and leaving through the back door.

Nicky watched him go. “Well that’s ominous.”

When Neil and Kevin got back, the first thing Neil said was, “Where’s Andrew?”

“Committing arson,” said Aaron, halfway through a game of cards with Nicky.

Kevin opened the oven door. “Thanks,” he said, pulling out the tray and making plates for him and Neil.

“Oh dear,” said Neil, getting blueberries out the fridge.

Andrew returned a little later, arms laden with a pile of misshapen wood.

“Where did you even get that?” asked Nicky, horrified and a little impressed, as they watched Andrew make a pile in the garden.

“Edge of the forest,” Andrew said.

“With what tools?” asked Kevin.

Andrew didn’t respond.

Aaron leaned against the railing as Neil moved into the garden to stand beside Andrew and started lecturing him on how to make a proper fire until Andrew flicked him in the forehead.

Aaron went back to the kitchen table, shuffled the cards, and started playing solitaire.

Kevin came back in too, and hesitated, before sitting in the chair next to Aaron and saying, “You missed that red eight.”

“Did not,” said Aaron.

Kevin picked up the cards Aaron had just dealt. “Oh,” said Aaron, fishing out the red eight and playing it. “Know it all,” he said, dealing himself more cards.

“Following the rules, and being good at a game, is not being a know it all,” said Kevin, tone annoyed, but kind of close, voice almost hitting Aaron’s cheek with a tight breath, and when Aaron glanced at him, looking over Aaron’s cards like he had to be that close to read them.

Aaron felt his lips tug into a smile. Tried to dampen it. “Teacher’s pet.”

“Jesus,” Kevin said, leaning away again. “You’re an asshole, you know that.”

“Yep,” said Aaron. But when he glanced at Kevin again, Kevin was smirking at him, and Aaron let himself smile, and they played solitaire together.

They had a bonfire. They waited until sunset to light it, and grabbed chairs. It was still hot, though not the sticky-hot of the last few days, and everyone was wearing jeans and sweatpants, and as the sun streaked a damp orange-grey, Aaron actually felt grateful for the fire’s heat.

Kevin was sat next to him, grey hoody and blue jeans and long legs. Aaron said, “How come it’s so _cold_?”

“The clouds,” Kevin said, not looking at him. “When there are no clouds in the sky it’s hotter during the day, colder at night.”

Aaron nodded. “Huh,” he said.

Kevin narrowed his eyes at him. “You knew that,” he accused.

Aaron smirked. “Well. It was a rhetorical question, but thanks for confirming it. Clouds. You’re so clever.”

Kevin shoved him gently, a hand to his arm, and after a moment’s hesitation slung it round his shoulders, hugging him a little to his side and then leaving his arm there.

Aaron didn’t know whether to blush or grin or implode. He did neither, drawing his feet into his chair and hugging his knees and staring straight into the fire and feeling Kevin’s arm across the back of his neck. It was, kind of nice.

But then Kevin removed his arm, and moved round the fire to talk to Andrew.

And Aaron had a moment of peace to feel full out fucking confused.

They toasted marshmallows, and drank vodka, and whisky, and talked, and became increasingly drunk, and ate the marshmallows, and when Aaron shivered Kevin went inside and came back with an orange exy sweatshirt, and Aaron pulled it on, waving the long ends over his hands, and downed his vodka tonic.

The fire was still going, Andrew and Neil poking it in turn, and Aaron watched it burn and enjoyed the dark press of remembered light against his eyelids whenever he closed his eyes.

When the embers were fading to a dull glow, Andrew threw aside his poking stick, and announced, with a yawn, “I’m going to bed.”

“Ok,” said Neil easily, as if that included him. “Wait. Last thing. I have an idea.”

“I hate your ideas,” said Aaron.

Neil smirked at him. “Everyone has to tell the fire a secret.”

Aaron frowned. Kevin said, “Why would we do that?”

Neil shrugged. “It’s fun to tell the truth sometimes.”

“Not all of us treat it like a game, Neil,” said Andrew, poking him in the waist.

Neil batted him away. “It’ll be fun, come on.”

Nicky said, “I’m in! What kind of thing?”

Neil shrugged. “Anything you want.”

Nicky hummed, and they sat in silence for a minute, and Aaron felt his heartrate increase with every second of silence. Nicky said, “Sometimes I’m worried Erik will change his mind.”

Even Andrew sat up at that.

Aaron said, “That’s idiotic.”

Nicky shrugged, an unsure smile on his face. “I’m not there. What if he finds something easier? I know you guys don’t know this about me, but I can be _a lot_.”

Andrew hummed.

“What if he decides it’s too much effort?” Nicky frowned at the fire.

Neil said, “If he does, then he’s not worth your time.”

“I don’t think that’s very helpful,” said Kevin, watching Nicky.

Neil said, “It’s true though.”

“That’s not _your_ truth,” muttered Andrew.

Aaron thought about it, and said, “Nicky, seriously, that’s idiotic. You _are_ a fucking lot. He’s lived with you for a year, I promise you he already knows that. He flies out to see you whenever he has money saved up. You’re practically engaged.”

Nicky shrugged again, but he looked a little better, eyes a little brighter. “Practically, but. I’ve been thinking I might actually – this year, maybe – I might ask him to marry me.”

“Cool,” said Andrew. He held out a fist and Nicky raised his eyebrows and bumped fists with him and laughed, loud and open and glorious. Aaron grinned, and then Kevin pressed another drink into his hand, and he sipped it, pleased for the cool liquid sliding down his throat even as the heat pressed at his front and the cold night air pressed at his back. The memory of Kevin’s arm pressing into his shoulders.

Neil said, abruptly, into the dark, “I loved her, but – I think my mom might have been kind of an asshole.”

Andrew turned in his chair to stare at him.

Kevin said, “Is that news?”

Neil nodded, but didn’t elaborate; Andrew reached out to hold his hand, and drew it to his lips, and kissed it. Neil shuddered out a deep breath, and sunk into his chair, hand in Andrew’s lap, and stared at the fire.

“Ok,” said Nicky, a soft smile on his face. “Cool.”

Neil smiled at Nicky, and then at Andrew, tugging his hand a little. Andrew hummed and said, “I hate kittens.”

Neil tugged his hand away. Nicky gasped. Kevin shrugged and said, “I do not see the point in keeping a pet.”

Aaron smirked. “You idiot.”

Andrew looked at him, and then at Neil, who looked confused. “How can you hate kittens? They’re just – tiny cats.”

“Foster home had them. They attacked my feet.”

“Andrew, you’re a human,” said Aaron. “I think you can take them.”

“Yeah, but, younger Andrew?” said Nicky, thoughtfully. “Must have been terrifying – he can’t have been much higher than the kittens.” He started laughing half way through his sentence, and Andrew glared at him, shifting in his seat but content to stay put when Neil held his hand again.

Andrew looked at Aaron then, and held his eyes, a question, and Aaron looked away. He looked into the fire, and listened to the fire cracking, and distant traffic, and the silence, especially the silence Kevin held taut around himself, like he was desperate not to go first, like he was waiting; so Aaron looked down at his hands, and took a deep breath, and said, “I broke up with Katelyn because – because I’m –” he swallowed, and glared at his hands, and tightened them into fists, and released them again, pumping energy from his body into his brain, ignoring how sick he felt, and said, “I’m gay.” The fire crackled into the darkening sky, and everything was cold and fresh, and he added, “Probably.”

Andrew’s body relaxed, and Neil said, “Cool.”

Nicky took in a deep breath, audible and steadying, and on its way out he laughed, shakily. “Well, _fuck,_ Aaron.”

Aaron shrugged, and tucked his hands in the sleeves of his sweatpants, so he could hold them in fists where no one could see. Even in a group of queer people, of his family, he felt vulnerable and stupid and like he didn’t deserve to have this secret, this thing, this thing that other people had and struggled with and he just – he didn’t even know if he had it, why did he think he had the right to share it?

But it was done now, mistake or not, and maybe he could just stop thinking about it now.

“Did she know?” asked Kevin.

Aaron didn’t look at him. “Yes,” he said, and didn’t elaborate.

There was a moment of heated silence, and then Nicky said, “Thanks for telling us,” and when he looked up Nicky was smiling. Gentle, easy, accepting. Aaron smiled back.

After another minute, Andrew yawned again, and said, “Kevin.”

Kevin was staring into the distance, body loose and relaxed, legs stretched out in front of him. He frowned a little, and looked at Andrew, and said, “I don’t know.”

Andrew huffed. “Coward,” he said.

Kevin’s expression darkened. “Don’t call me that.”

Aaron tensed a little.

Neil put a hand on Andrew’s arm before he could respond, and said, “You don’t have to, Kevin. It’s just a stupid game.”

“That _is_ my truth,” Kevin snapped. “I don’t know anything, ok?” He picked up the entire vodka bottle, and swigged straight from it. “I wish everyone would stop assuming I know anything.” His voice was mumbly, and slurred, worse than the rest of them, and it took everything in Aaron to keep his hands in his pockets and not to rip the bottle from Kevin’s grip.

But Neil said, “Way to be on the wagon, Kevin,” a note of accusation in his voice.

“What, like we haven’t been drinking all week?” said Kevin, wiping his mouth.

“Not like that,” said Neil, waving a hand at the bottle.

Kevin held his gaze, but it was Andrew who was glaring at him, and when Kevin’s eyes met Andrew’s he looked away just as quickly, dropped the bottle back on the grass and leaned his head back against his chair.

Neil looked at Andrew, and said, “Right. I’m going to bed,” and stood up and tugged Andrew after him. Andrew looked at Kevin, and then at Aaron, and Aaron nodded, and Andrew was able to leave after Neil.

Which meant when Nicky announced he was _as tired as a saggy tit_ and left only a few minutes later, it was just him and Kevin sat by the fire.

Kevin still looked frustrated, and like his fingers wanted to reach for the bottle again, and Aaron said, “Andrew’s not here, do whatever you want.”

Kevin stared at his hands, then the fire, stilling his fingers. “I can do whatever I want even when he is here.”

“You don’t act like it.”

Kevin looked at Aaron, and Aaron felt hot, and embarrassed, and as if he’d implied that he thought – that he thought he and Kevin couldn’t – because Andrew – which he didn’t. He thought – because Kevin didn’t _want_ –

He said, tightly, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Kevin nodded. “Um. Ok.”

Aaron looked away. “We should go inside. It’s late.”

Kevin swallowed, and said quietly, “Stay here, Aaron. I just want – I don’t –”

Aaron clenched his fists, and closed his eyes, and felt Kevin’s fingers ghost across his neck, resting there, the other touching his cheek, and he frowned, and let his face be titled sideways, and up a little, and then felt the light press of lips, the lingering taste of vodka, Kevin tentative and unsure and wanting against him. Aaron took a shaky breath, kissed Kevin back, just the ghost of their lips moving together, and Kevin responded more insistently, more _wanting._ Fuck it. Aaron removed his hands from his pockets and let the gift of inebriation make bad decisions for him, and anyway hadn’t he decided not to care? And maybe this was what not caring looked like, mouth moving desperately over Kevin’s, Kevin pulling Aaron up by the hips and onto his lap, and Aaron going easily, and kissing Kevin like this meant they were almost the same height, and Aaron could wraps his arms around Kevin’s neck, and feel down his back, mouth sliding and tasting, and then tongues pressed together and holy shit Aaron couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe, shivered as Kevin tasted him, as Kevin’s hand pushed under the sweatshirt he’d leant him, pushing up his back, and then his chest, feeling around like he’d been _wanting_ to, making a little sound as he pressed around, felt Aaron underneath, like Aaron had been hiding himself away, because he had, and now Kevin had _found him_ , which he had.

Aaron kissed him, and Kevin kissed him back, and Aaron let his thoughts get burned away.

The bonfire burned out too, and Kevin’s hands replaced the warmth the flame had provided, little shocks of heat tingling all over Aaron’s skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this what you meant by demanding kissing  
> everything's fine what do you look so worried for  
> aaron's making super good decisions calm down


	12. free - park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um

Aaron was feeling sluggish, slumped against Kevin and half-hard and _tired_ and not very willing to stop kissing him.

But it had been a while, time had passed, it must have done, and Aaron was content in Kevin’s lap, and Kevin seemed pleased to have him there, kissing him and sometimes humming into his mouth, fingers tensing and untensing around him, Aaron kissing and kissing him and not thinking, and not _thinking._

But it was Kevin who finally pulled away and didn’t come back, fingers squeezing around Aaron’s hips and panting into his shoulder, rubbing his forehead a little against him. Aaron dug his fingers into Kevin’s hair and kept them there, and breathed against the side of his head and thought – _god i’m tired. or am i drunk. or is it late. god what are we doing_

Kevin said, “Fuck. We should – are you cold?”

Aaron shook his head. He didn’t particularly want to leave. “Don’t go,” he mumbled into Kevin’s skin, kissing him wherever he could reach.

Kevin’s hands snaked around his waist and he kissed Aaron’s neck and Aaron grabbed his head and turned it, slotting their mouths together again – but Kevin pried him away, hands firm on his body, eyes closed, and said, “We should go inside.”

Aaron whispered, “Do you want to sleep in my room?”

Kevin was tense against him, already shaking his head, eyes still closed, and just said, “I don’t – that’s not a good idea.”

Aaron swallowed. “Ok.” He waited a beat, then lifted Kevin’s head, waited for him to look at him, and said quietly, “Why isn’t it a good idea?”

Kevin looked away.

“It’s ok,” Aaron said, heart lurching and feeling vaguely sick, stomach roiling with marshmallows and vodka and the lateness of the hour, head stumbling over his words, hazy and out of his mind, “it’s ok if – if you don’t want to because – but – I don’t know what you’re thinking.”

Kevin wouldn’t look at him.

Aaron climbed backwards off his lap. He stumbled upright, stuck his hands in his pockets, and said, “Kevin?”

Kevin put his head in his hands.

Aaron turned and headed inside.

He slept, the easy instantaneous way the drunk do, but he didn’t feel good about it. Waking up, a pounding headache, stomach queasy, throat dry, something like the ghost of Kevin’s touch hovering over his skin.

He turned his head into his pillow.

_Fuck_.

When he woke again there was a message on his phone. He blinked at it. _tried waking you. gone out for breakfast but will bring you some back!_ It was from Nicky. He turned further and saw a bottle of water by his bed. He chugged the entire thing. Mistake. He felt sick. He curled back on himself, and went back to sleep.

When he woke a third time, his phone told him it was midday. He stared at the ceiling, and then had a shower. He had a long shower, standing under the spray, and letting the water hit his head, his face, and burn off any lingering trace, scrubbed himself hard and afterwards dressed in his old jeans and a light blue tshirt and ran a lazy towel through his hair.

He stood by his bedroom door with his hand on the doorknob for thirty seconds, a minute, before opening it and walking downstairs.

The others were back, crowding round some game in the living room. Nicky called out, “Food’s in the kitchen!” Aaron headed there, and stopped in the doorway when he saw Kevin making coffee.

Kevin looked at him, then looked away, just as quick.

Aaron leaned against the wall, and waited.

Kevin made two cups of coffee, and that was nice, Aaron guessed, but then he picked one up and went straight into the living room.

Aaron glared at the floor.

The kitchen tiles were old, and scruffy. Fucking _everything_ about this house was old and crap, they’d barely been able to afford it as it was, nothing had ever been fixed or upgraded – even the stupid tiled floor, mismatched and faded grey. He hated it.

He picked up his cup of coffee, and leaned against the sink to drink it, scolding down his throat, the way he liked it.

Eventually Andrew came into the room. Aaron was staring out the window.

Andrew said, “We’re going to the park.”

“Great.”

“Now.”

“Ok.”

“Are you coming?”

“No.”

Aaron didn’t look at Andrew, just listened to the silence in the air like a storm raging around them.

Andrew turned and left the kitchen. There was a mumble from the living room, and then Andrew came back and sat down at the table.

Aaron glared at him. “ _What?_ ” he snapped.

Andrew folded his hands together on the table. “I’m not leaving you like this.”

Aaron assessed the situation: him, standing like this, quiet and ready to snap, angry and staring at nothing and refusing to talk to Andrew – and ran a hand over his face. He took a deep breath and said, “It’s ok. I’m just – tired.” He looked back at his brother.

“Ok,” said Andrew, expression unmoved. “But I’m staying here.”

Aaron sighed.

They walked to the park.

Aaron shoved his hands in his pockets, and hung back with Neil, and let Neil talk to him about exy. It was very generous of him, given that Neil was borderline obsessed on a quiet day. Aaron still felt tense and irritable, and kept going round loops in his head, trying to smooth the anger out on his face, and still ending up feeling worthless and upset and irritated, and he closed his eyes and scuffed his shoe and kept walking.

Neil came across a pebble and kicked it into Aaron’s path. Aaron kicked it back, and Neil fell silent for a bit, and then they were jogging a little, kicking it back and forth and Neil spewing out some sort of bullshit soccer commentary and Aaron could feel amusement pick at his mouth, until he was grinning, and pretending to do impressive kicks with his feet, and then the stone slammed into the back of Kevin’s shoe, in front, and Kevin turned round and eyed them, cautiously.

Neil said, “Woops,” and Kevin looked away again.

And Aaron glared at the ground.

When they reached the park, Aaron and Neil went to sit down in a heap, and Nicky headed over to join them, but Andrew grabbed Kevin’s arm and hauled him to the side, pushing him ahead and walking him away.

Aaron looked away.

Nicky said, “What’s Kevin done now?”

Neil shrugged. “I brought snacks.”

They ate trailmix, and chips, and swigged directly from the carton of orange juice, and talked about nothing. It was nice. Aaron smirking while Nicky talked about some show he and Erik had been watching together while video chatting, Neil talking about some show Andrew had been forcing on him that he couldn’t care less about.

Nicky said, “I bet you spend more time watching Andrew than you do the screen.”

Neil threw nuts at him.

“That’s more _your_ style,” Aaron said.

“What?” asked Nicky.

“You know,” said Aaron, gesturing. “Gross and over the top.”

“It’s gross and over the top to be in love?” Nicky asked, smiling smugly.

“Yes,” said Aaron.

Neil nodded. “I agree.”

“You’re in love!” objected Nicky.

“He’s gonna deny that,” Aaron said.

But Neil just shrugged.

“Seriously?” said Aaron, staring at him, one hand paused in the bag of trailmix.

Neil said, “I wouldn’t usually call it that, but – yeah. Of course I love Andrew.”

Aaron frowned. “Really?”

Neil shrugged, threw a chip in the air and caught it in his mouth.

And then Nicky and Neil were taking it in turns to throw chips at each other, and try to catch them in their mouth, and Aaron lay on his back and closed his eyes against the memory of the clouds in the sky, and felt distinctly worthless.

He allowed himself, for the first time, to directly wonder what he meant to anyone. He’d kind of thought of Kevin as his best friend – not at first, of course. At first, Kevin had been Andrew’s, and anyway no one else had wanted him. But over the last year – Aaron’s, definitely. He’d thought. Seeing Andrew drag Kevin away just reminded him that wasn’t really true.

But he had Andrew, and Nicky. And Neil, sort of, at least by association. He knew that for certain, or almost certain anyway, almost certain that they weren’t leaving. Weren’t basing his value on random factors he couldn’t control. Like how sober they were, or how bored they were.

He wondered if the same was true for Kevin.

Andrew and Kevin came back, and sat in the gaps, and Aaron didn’t sit up.

He felt like his fury had been all burned through, and now he was just exhausted.

He closed his eyes.

He opened them, startled, to a touch on his shoulder and before he was really awake found himself hitting Kevin’s hand away and snarling, “Don’t _touch_ me.”

Everyone was quiet. Aaron was sat up, rushed, blood rushing to his head and heart beating and blinking awake and glaring at where Kevin’s hand had touched him, and everyone was staring at him, and he tried to breathe, and Kevin looked away, and snapped, “You’ll burn, but whatever.”

Aaron took another breath, and got to his feet, and said, “I’m heading back.”

He turned and walked off, unsurprised when Neil ran to catch up to him, and walked him the rest of the way back in silence.

They sat at the kitchen table, Neil-made hot chocolates (which meant dark, and bitter, and delicious) cooling in the mugs against their hands, and Neil said, expression gently curious but essentially unbothered, “You want to talk?”

Aaron gave him a look. “Since when have we ever talked?”

Neil shrugged, and blew at the froth on his drink. “Never. Thought you might want to.”

“And why did you think that?”

Neil looked away, and back again. “Because you and Andrew are still new. And you’re terrified of what Nicky thinks of you. And Kevin... well. He’s pissed you off. Tell me why.”

Aaron crumpled a little. He just felt himself crumple, and sagged into his chair, and frowned at his cup, and said nothing at all.

Neil hummed. “Right,” he said, as if he got it, which Aaron highly doubted.

“It’s nothing,” Aaron mumbled.

“Want me to kill him for you?”

Aaron looked at him. “I feel like that’s not something I can joke about with you, so – _no_.”

Neil grinned. “Ok. But let me know. It would make practise much quieter.”

Aaron smiled, reluctantly, the corner of his mouth twitching, and nodded.

He was staring at the table, a few minutes later, some small percentage of his drink gone and warming his insides, when Neil said, “Kevin is kind of slow, you know?” Aaron didn’t reply. Didn’t look up. Didn’t really want to hear this. “I think he takes a long time to process things. To work out what he wants, what he’s allowed to want. I don’t think he really knows what he’s doing.”

“Do any of us?” Aaron murmured, bitter and hating himself for it.

“I guess not,” said Neil.

And then they were quiet. Aaron heard the front door open, drained his hot chocolate, and took his book upstairs to read in bed.

He was fetched for dinner, and ate in the living room with everyone else, and then left again, and read until he was tired, and then fell asleep.

The next day, Aaron woke up early, and tidied some of his shit, as they were leaving tomorrow, and went downstairs to hunt for breakfast.

Kevin was sat on the porch, long legs propped up on the rail, leaning back against the kitchen window, some curl of morning fog around him, and wearing shorts and a tshirt, and looking amazing and relaxed and effortless.

Aaron clenched his jaw and made himself coffee, and abruptly decided to forget about it. Never mind. Just one of those things. A mistake. Nothing more. He decided he wasn’t going to want it anymore. He would try not to be an asshole about it – Kevin was an asshole, sure, but maybe it wasn’t really his fault. Maybe it was Aaron’s for thinking he was something he wasn’t.

He poured himself some cereal, and took it outside, and sat next to Kevin, and said, “I don’t want to talk about it.” Kevin startled at his voice, and appearance, and just watched as Aaron got settled, dragging his feet into the chair, and his coffee on the table, and balancing his cereal in his minimal lap, and Aaron said, without looking at him, “Let’s just forget about it ok? I don’t want things to be weird.”

“Um, ok,” said Kevin, sounding unsure. “I’m – sorry.”

“Don’t,” Aaron said tightly. “I just don’t want things to be weird for the others.”

“Right,” said Kevin.

They sat in silence, Aaron eating his cereal and wanting to cry, and not doing.

“Can I just –”

“No,” Aaron snapped, cutting him off. “Damnit Kevin I’m being serious, I don’t want to hear it.”

“But –”

“I’ll go back inside.” Aaron turned to face him, finally, glaring at him, and Kevin stared at him too, eyebrows pinched and expression frustrated and Aaron tensed in his chair, ready to leave.

Kevin ran a hand through his hair, and said, tight and furious, “I’m not _gay_ , Aaron.”

“Fuck you,” Aaron said, slamming his bowl on the table and getting to his feet. He turned to walk away but then Kevin had his hand around his arm and was holding him still.

Aaron tried to push him off but Kevin said, “Don’t – fuck – don’t hate me. It’s not –”

“Don’t touch him.”

Aaron turned to see Andrew there – bedhead tousled and eyes furious – and, when Aaron thought about it, Andrew and Neil’s bedroom window just above the porch – and arms crossed and armbands on and fingers flexing.

Kevin let go of Aaron immediately and Aaron turned away from him and snapped, “Andrew, god just _fuck off_ will you?”

Andrew turned his gaze on Aaron, slow, and focused, and dangerous. But he didn’t leave.

Aaron realised abruptly he was going to cry.

So he turned and walked inside, and went straight upstairs, and slammed into Nicky’s room.

Nicky sat up in bed, snapping awake and saying, “What? Huh?”

Aaron paced the room, up and down, and grabbed Nicky’s laptop and threw it on his lap. Nicky said, “What’s even happening. Am I awake?”

“Movie,” Aaron said, breathing heavily and willing himself to stop being so pathetic, “Now.”

Nicky went still, and quiet, and opened his laptop, and scooched over in bed, and Aaron toed out of his shoes and climbed into Nicky’s bed, and placed a hand over his eyes, and felt Nicky settle back down a few inches away from him, and just listened to the meaningless sounds of music, and dialogue, and laughter, and cried quietly into his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen


	13. water fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we reach the enddd  
> i made the playlist of songs i listened to on repeat while writing this, in case you like that kinda thing:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5LGc6i0g7HQ4HuO5QIk5jb?si=maTkJ6eaQHKH1tVRxRdB_A

Aaron watched the second half of the movie with one eye open, the other pressed against Nicky’s second pillow which _smelled_ of Nicky – something kind of gross and stale and comforting, all at once.

Nicky provided commentary on the movie from his semi-upright position, still a few inches away, not once commenting on the fact that Aaron had cried, that Aaron had then stilled, had still not said a word.

It was nice.

When the movie ended Nicky said, “Do you want to go out for –” He checked the time on his phone. “Uh. Brunch?”

Aaron shrugged, and sat up, hunched over his knees. He felt exhausted, and stiff, and clammy, but – food sounded good. He nodded.

“Who do you want to come?” Nicky asked, averting his eyes and closing the laptop, too casual.

“I don’t care,” said Aaron, getting to his feet. “Just you,” he added quickly. “Unless Neil – I don’t care.”

“Awesome,” said Nicky, getting out of bed and stretching. He looked Aaron over, and then glanced away quickly. “I’m just gonna shower. Oh my god I’m _starving._ As much as I missed our movie mornings, you couldn’t have brought me some _breakfast?”_

Aaron managed a smirk. “Sorry.”

“You can make it up to me with pancakes.” Nicky waved him away and Aaron went into the hallway. He glanced in Neil and Andrew’s room to find it empty, and walked over to look out the window.

Kevin, Andrew and Neil were in the garden. Kevin and Neil seemed to be having some sort of argument. Andrew was smoking, and throwing an exy ball up and down in the air.

Aaron went to have a shower.

When he left the front of the house ten minutes later Neil was stood by the car, twirling his keyring in one hand, frown on his face as Nicky gestured at him. 

Aaron said, “We going?”

Nicky turned and smiled at him. “Yep! You want front seat?”

Aaron climbed into the back.

In the diner, Aaron let Nicky do all the conversational work. He was telling Neil how he used to bring the twins here for a meal once a week, usually after they’d shared out their tips from work. Breakfast or lunch or whatever. Aaron felt the plasticy menu he had memorised between his fingers, wondered how many times they’d come here.

Once the food came, even Nicky became quiet, concentrating on the task in front of him, but Aaron realised Neil was watching him. He flicked his eyes up, and Neil’s narrowed.

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Is he pissed at me?”

Nicky looked up.

Neil glared back at Aaron and said, “Not that he’s told me, but I overheard you. He was just looking out for you, and you were an asshole.”

“That’s rich coming from the king of losing his temper.”

Neil opened his mouth to argue, and then closed it again, clenching his jaw.

Nicky pointed a fork at them. “Nice, Aaron! He can’t lose his temper with you now without losing. Hot shit.” He grinned and dove into his eggs.

Aaron smirked.

Neil didn’t look pleased though.

“Oh don’t be so fucking protective Josten,” Aaron snapped, feeling a bit annoyed. “I was – upset, ok?” Nicky and Neil both looked surprised at that. All the anger on Neil’s face vanished, and Nicky raised his eyebrows. Aaron said, “He’ll get it. Stop being such a mother hen.” Aaron looked back down at his food, poked his fork at it, and hoped the warmth he felt on his neck was just his imagination.

Neil sighed, and said, “Fine,” and they ate in silence.

When they paid the bill, Nicky said, “We’re going home tomorrow.”

“Yay,” drawled Aaron as they made their way out to the car.

Nicky hesitated with one hand on the door. “You ok?”

Aaron looked at him, waiting until Neil had got in the driver’s seat to say, “It’s nothing,” and climbed in the backseat.

Aaron wasn’t hiding anymore. What was he going to do, hide in his room until it was time to go? And then hope Neil gave up his front seat again for the hour ride back to campus? He grabbed chocolate and marshmallows from the kitchen, sat on the floor of the living room, and loaded up his favourite game. It was quiet, except for when it involved a lot of shooting, and he enjoyed the dialogue and the gentle pace of the thing.

Andrew came and sat next to him, and stole marshmallows, and told him when he’d missed out on an item.

“Where is everyone?” Aaron asked, when he realised the rest of the house had been quiet for a while.

“Outside,” Andrew said. “It’s too hot. We need better friends.”

Aaron smirked. “Tell you what, you ditch Neil and then we’ll talk.”

Andrew scoffed, like he was just as disappointed in himself as Aaron was, and then Aaron switched games, handed Andrew a controller and let him beat him at Mario Kart.

It was late afternoon when they finally got to their feet, stretched, and wandered into the kitchen to make coffee.

Aaron glanced outside to see Kevin and Neil playing a makeshift outdoor game of exy.

“Where did they even get rackets?” Aaron mumbled, looking away.

“Attic,” Andrew said, grabbing the milk.

Aaron looked sharply at him. “They’re using _our_ rackets?”

Andrew glanced at him, and shrugged. “Yes. I did not think you would care.”

“I –” Aaron looked outside again, and frowned. “I don’t. Whatever.”

“We could go watch,” Andrew said, watching Aaron. “It’s probably hilarious.”

Aaron said, “No thanks.”

Andrew considered him a moment longer, then sat at the table. “What do you want me to do?”

Aaron frowned, and sat down slowly. “What do you mean?”

Andrew looked – if Aaron didn’t know any better, he’d say the blank expression on Andrew’s face was almost upset. Andrew said, “About Kevin.”

Aaron leaned forward. “Why – _what?_ Why would I want you to do anything?”

Andrew looked away.

Aaron sat back in his chair, and curled his hand around his mug. “Andrew, we’re not – you and I – we’re not doing that anymore. And Kevin’s your – friend.”

Andrew sat back in his chair, and curled his hand around his mug, and said, “He’s yours too.”

“Yeah,” Aaron muttered, looking down at his coffee.

“It’s complicated,” Andrew said, biting the words out.

“We don’t have to do this,” Aaron said. Andrew waited, his patented silence that always demanded more from you. Aaron said, “We don’t usually talk about stuff like this.”

“We do now,” Andrew said, and Aaron abruptly remembered their conversation in the park, _Now it’s something we talk about, yes?_

“Right,” Aaron said.

And they drank their coffee.

Aaron eventually said, quietly, “Thank you,” and Andrew nodded.

Neil came in with a grin on his face. “I think Kevin has anger issues.”

Andrew held out a hand to him, and Neil grabbed it, and sat on his lap. “Eurgh,” Andrew said, “you’re all sweaty,” not looking as displeased about it as Aaron thought he should, hugging Neil round the waist.

Neil smiled at him, one arm round his neck. “Yep. Kevin has _a lot_ of anger issues. It was fun.”

Nicky appeared next. “You two are _insane_. I didn’t even run around but it’s SO HOT my BALLS are sweating.”

Everyone objected to that, and tea towels were thrown at Nicky until he left the room to go shower.

And then Kevin appeared, one hand on the doorway, a furious look on his face, and said, “Hello. Neil is a fucking cheater.”

Aaron stood up.

“I am not,” said Neil.

Aaron put his mug in the sink.

“I just thought you should know what kind of person you’ve chosen to align yourself with,” Kevin said, and when Aaron glanced at him he was looking straight at him.

Andrew said, “I’m aware.”

Aaron turned to leave and Kevin said, “Um. Wait. Aaron, can we – I would – I would like to talk to you.”

“No,” said Aaron, and he turned to leave the kitchen.

“Hey,” said Neil, “I have an idea. Why don’t I summarise? I’m fairly sure Kevin is going to apologise for being a _massive fucking asshole_ , and it would be easier on all of us if Aaron would listen to it. Come on Andrew I need to be showered.”

Andrew stood and dropped Neil to the floor as he did so, and took his coffee out the room. Neil scrambled to his feet with a grin on his face and hurried after him.

Aaron looked at Kevin, who said in a rush, “Will you listen to me for a minute?”

Aaron said, “I kind of just want you to leave me alone forever.”

Kevin nodded, a hurt look on his face that Aaron wasn’t sure he’d ever seen there before, and said, “Yeah, I would want me to do that too. Andrew called Jean.”

Aaron just stared at him, unable to make the connection at first. “Wait – seriously?” Kevin nodded. “How did he even have his number?”

Kevin shrugged, and then said, “Renee.”

“Right.” And then, “Did you talk to him?”

“No. Jean won’t talk to me.”

Aaron knew this, knew without Kevin ever having to mention it how much that hurt him, knowing he could never make it up to his oldest friend. “Right,” he said again, brain hazy and just wanting to be angry, to be away. He looked away. “Well –”

“Fuck, Aaron.” Something in Kevin’s voice broke, and when Aaron looked back Kevin was running a hand through his hair. “Please?”

Aaron never heard that word. They never used it, really. It was easier to give it a blanket ban. Something about how little they used the word gave it extra weight when it landed in Aaron’s stomach, and he grabbed a glass of water, and followed Kevin outside.

They sat in the grass, and Aaron sipped his water, and felt the clinging of summer heat wrap around his skin, and pushed his long sleeves up, and picked a stem of grass from the ground.

Kevin said, “I like you.”

Aaron didn’t reply.

Kevin said, “I – I’m not –”

“Don’t,” Aaron said, hating how tight his voice sounded. He couldn’t even look at Kevin without remembering that morning, without feeling the threat of tears sting at his eyes again.

“No, I – not that. I – that was a stupid thing to say. I’m – sorry.”

Aaron did look up at that. Kevin was wearing a shirt, for once, but he’d sweated through most of it, and his legs were crossed in the grass beneath him, and Aaron was so attracted to him it hurt. Aaron said, “I’m not sure what the point of this is.”

“Andrew put Jean on loudspeaker, and told him – what I said.”

Aaron smiled involuntarily. “You’re kidding.”

Kevin looked away and mumbled, “I am not.”

“ _Wow_. You got in trouble with mom and dad. Did they ream you out?”

Kevin gathered his knees, scooting a little closed to Aaron so that the tips of their bare toes met. Aaron felt it like it was the first time they’d ever touched, and hated himself for feeling so hopeful. Kevin said, “Your brother is an asshole.”

“He’s crazy,” Aaron agreed, still smiling.

“I –” Kevin looked back at Aaron, something intensely serious in his gaze, his head moving emphatically with every word, “I _like_ you, Aaron. I want – I didn’t think I was allowed – something like this. I’m still not sure I am.”

Aaron hummed, and tied his fingers in knots in the grass, and didn’t respond. Took a cue from Andrew, for once.

Kevin made a frustrated noise, “Does it matter – what I am? Do I have to be – that? To – to –”

“Kevin,” Aaron said, quiet and firm, and Kevin stopped talking. Aaron looked up at him and took a deep breath. “I get that it’s scary, and that’s ok but – I don’t want to mean nothing to you. I like you too, and you’ve been an absolute asshole about it. This whole two weeks – I mean, I came out to you, and you kissed me, and –” Kevin’s face melted a little, like he was thinking of kissing Aaron again, so Aaron looked away, and grabbed hold of his resolve and said, “I don’t want to be something you regret the next day.”

“Right,” said Kevin. “Right.” Aaron could see him drumming a finger on his knee. “Right. Well. Ok so, what do we do?”

“What do you mean?” Aaron watched the finger increase in speed.

“I mean, what do I need to do to get to have you?” Aaron looked up. Frowned, completely lost. Kevin waved a hand in frustration. “I mean, do I have to decide I’m – that? Do you want me to – to say it? I can say it. Jean says – Jean told Andrew that he always thought me bisexual. So – I mean maybe it won’t be... Jean said I’m about a decade behind in – in the politics of it. But he couldn’t name any gay exy stars either. Footballers! As if football is backed by a mafia gang. It isn’t. I’d like to see footballers compete under that kind of pressure. But I will, if you want me to. Say that, I mean. I can –”

“ _Kevin._ ”

Kevin’s finger stopped drumming.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Kevin frowned at him. “I’m – we’re – I’m apologising. Andrew said – well. I’m – and we’re – working out how to – I mean, I want this, so. I just want to know what you need from me.”

Aaron shook his head, confused and desperate and buying himself a moment to take a breath. Kevin’s face dappled by sunlight, his words lost and confusing and babbled. “You are – this is ridiculous.”

Kevin’s frown deepened, and Aaron wished it wasn’t as cute as it was.

Aaron tried not to smile. “Ok. You want to know what I need.” Kevin nodded, and sat up a little straighter. “In summary, I want you to apologise _again_ for kissing me _twice_ and then being a fucking asshole about it.”

Kevin waved a hand, dismissive. “Obviously.” Aaron waited. Kevin huffed, and said, “I already said I’m sorry. I _am_ sorry.”

“Ok,” said Aaron. “And I don’t need you to have a label to be – for us to do this, but – do you understand that it fucking hurt when you said you weren’t gay?”

Kevin reached a hand forward, and took it away, and slumped a little. “Yes. Andrew said – yes. I do. Yes. I’m not sure –”

“You don’t have to be sure,” Aaron said, “but I can’t – I can’t do this if you’re going to _hate me_ for it.”

Kevin reached his hand out again and grabbed Aaron’s forearm, wrapping a hand around it firmly, the same way Aaron had seen him to do his racket a thousand times. “No,” he said. “I understand that. I do.” He sighed, watching where his fingers touched the fair hair on Aaron’s arm, and said, “I probably don’t deserve you.”

Aaron smiled, and Kevin missed it, frowning and being ridiculous, and Aaron said, as loud as he could bear, just a whisper leaving his lips, “I sort of felt the same about you.” Kevin’s eyes flicked up to him, and Aaron cleared his throat and added, “But then you were _such an_ _asshole_.”

Kevin smiled, and it shot through every patch of skin that had been melting under the sun, and Aaron didn’t want to forgive him, but he did, didn’t want to feel hopeful, but he did, didn’t want to feel worth Kevin’s smile, but he did. Kevin’s smile widened, and he said, softly, “Are we ok?”

Aaron dumped his water glass over Kevin’s head.

Kevin flinched, hand leaving Aaron’s arm abruptly and mouth open in shock.

Aaron said, “That’s for treating me like shit.” Kevin looked worried until Aaron smirked, and then he stood and picked up Aaron in one movement, and Aaron grabbed onto Kevin’s shoulders as his feet left the ground, feeling Kevin’s arms around him, getting kissed, and loving it, before Kevin walked them over to the paddling pool, and threw Aaron in it.

It wasn’t a very graceful fall. Aaron’s butt hit the hard floor, and his shorts and tshirt became _soaked_ , but at least he recovered quickly, grabbing Kevin’s arm to haul himself to his feet. “That wasn’t very nice.”

Kevin smirked. “Maybe I just like you when you look like this.”

Aaron felt himself blush, and glared at Kevin. “Oh my god,” he said.

Kevin grinned and stepped into the pool, arms winding around Aaron’s lower back and lifting him a little. They met halfway this time, Aaron on tip toes and Kevin leaning down, and they kissed each other, this time they kissed each other, and Aaron knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but then what in his life had ever been easy? And he’d turned out ok.

Kevin tasted like sun cream, and sweat, and he told him so, and Kevin said Aaron tasted like his favourite coffee, laughing all surprised against his lips as Aaron grinned, and held on a little longer.

Eventually the others came outside, and Neil picked up the hose and sprayed them both. Aaron splashed out of the pool and he and Kevin lifted it up, completely the wrong height match to be very threatening, but they did manage to get a very reasonable amount of water sloshed over Neil’s head. Neil glared at them, and tried to send Andrew after them in vengeance, but Andrew was laughing, and he and Nicky conspired, and they disappeared only to return with a couple of old water guns, filling them with water from the tap. Aaron tore his soaking shirt off, threw it to the ground and hid behind Kevin, as he felt the first spray hit them both. Kevin turned and kissed him again, and Aaron kissed him back, in the middle of their family, grinning against his mouth and letting Kevin whisper that he was sorry, and that he was going to be better, and believing him, believing him the way he’d seen Kevin improve at something with a singular focus he’d never seen in another human being, and smiling openly at him, and nodding, as Neil and Andrew were completely annihilating Nicky with the accosted water guns, in the garden of the home they’d created, as Aaron watched them over Kevin’s shoulder as Kevin just held him, warm and solid and _Kevin_ , something Aaron could hold on to, maybe, as Aaron allowed himself to think that maybe they’d turned out ok after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love you guys, thanks for letting me drag us all into the rarepair that is kevaaron, hope you enjoyed this dumb summer fic that accidentally caught some feels (but hey, it's me, what did you expect) your comments have made me smile so much xxx


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